Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes
by je suis l.m
Summary: Sora finds Axel, blind and unconscious, in the World That Never Was. Now, he must uncover the truth behind Axel's awakening, as well as the Nobody's past relationship with Roxas. Since Sora's friends do not welcome a previous Organization XIII member with open arms, Sora is caught between his loyalty to his friends and his growing infatuation for the Nobody. AkuSora AkuRoku.
1. The World That Never Was

_Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes_

by je suis l.m.

Summary: When Sora discovers Axel in The World That Never Was, he doesn't know what to make of the nobody. Much less what to make of Axel calling him Roxas over and over. Once he discovers that Axel's eyesight has somehow vanished, Sora must decide whether or not to help Axel regain his vision and overcome his past.

Rated: M, for language and eventual love scenes.

Italics indicate a quote from the games.

* * *

Chapter One

Somehow, I always managed to get lost in The World That Never Was. In all, I was surprised that the world still existed after Riku and I defeated Xemnas. In fact, the world seemed to thrive. Part of me—the part that Riku and the King agreed with—wondered if the foreboding city would continue to survive so long as the Nobodies existed. This meant that if the Heartless plagued the worlds, there would be no getting rid of this one. Another part of me—the part that I kept a secret from all my friends—feared that this world would live on until all of Organization XIII had been destroyed. Numbers I through XII had been wiped from the worlds, but Number XIII, Roxas, still lived inside me. And I was about to find out that Roxas was not the only one still intact.

In what we'd thought was going to be a nice summer vacation getaway, Riku and I had taken off from Destiny Islands. We'd traveled by a customized gummi ship, one in the shape of a sail boat—a gift from the King for our endeavors in the darkness. We'd gone through Twilight Town to see Hayner, Pence, and Olette. After five days of travel, we'd managed to find Traverse Town, almost empty now that the worlds had been put back into place. On our way to Radiant Garden, Riku said, "I wonder if The World That Never Was is still there."

"Why would you even care?" I asked him, shocked, my hands gripping the wheel.

"I'm not sure. I just want to see what's left. For memory's sake, I guess." The World That Never Was held no happy memories for me. Sure, I'd found Kairi and Riku there again. We'd defeated Xemnas. But I'd also met and lost the true Ansem here. I met Roxas and became one with him and his sad story. I came across Axel before I entered the world, and he killed himself for me—for Roxas. Although I would never understand what had once been between those two Nobodies, the sorrow in Axel's radioactive eyes told me that to be a Nobody meant to live a life of want. _"He made me feel like I had a heart,"_ he had said. _"It's funny... You make me feel... the same..."_ In that moment, my own heart had felt ready to shatter.

Now, in The World That Never Was, Riku walked through the dark streets like they belonged to his hometown. He seemed to know every twist and turn. His silver hair waved in the wind. It was hard to keep up with him, and by the time we'd reached the town centre, my breath was a little labored.

"It will rain soon," he said suddenly. Almost instantly the wind picked up, howling in and out of alleyways. The ominous clouds above the skyscrapers took on a greenish tone.

We had gone about a mile or two from the gummi ship, which meant we would be caught out in the storm. "We should find some shelter," I told Riku.

As he turned to me, lightening struck the skies as blinding, jagged knives. "No offense, Sora, but you're a little slow. I know this place better. You wait here. I'll find an overhang and come back for you."

I nodded nervously. "Okay, don't take too long." The idea of being alone in this world sent a wave of shivers through my body. While most people might perceive me as brave, I've always had my friends alongside me. Any time I battled on my own, fear would sting at my eyes—like when I fought Xehanort. In this moment, I knew I would be all right. Riku would be back soon. He broke off into a run, heading down a dark street I'd never even been down before. I found my way to the steps in front of the tallest building in the whole city, Memory Skyscraper. My own memories about this tower were fuzzy and broken. Even though I knew I'd been here only once, I somehow remembered seeing Riku on top of the skyscraper, his eyes blindfolded as he battled Roxas. I knew this memory was not mine, but only a remnant gifted to me by Roxas.

Out of nowhere, the rain came down in buckets. My clothes and hair were instantly drenched. I shivered, crossing my arms for warmth. I missed Riku. I should have gone with him. What if something happened to him out there in the darkness, alone? I didn't trust this world. Both Heartless and Nobodies dwelled here. What if they attacked Riku? What if there were too many of them? This trip was meant to be a vacation, but slowly I felt as though I were entering a nightmare. Complete with a thunderstorm.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before the worry took over my senses. The rain had only gotten harder, beating into my body like bullets. I decided to follow the path Riku had taken. More likely than not, he was already on his way back, so I would just run into him at the beginning of the street. I set off, brushing water from my eyes, only for more water to take its place. I was used to rain; there were often storms on Destiny Islands, but those ended as quickly as they started. This torrent was different, filling the streets with black floods.

"Riku!" I called out, to no response. "Riku!" My voice seemed lost in the wind and rain. Thunder sounded, so loud I feared it might crumble the buildings. The shadows seemed to grow longer. I grasped my Keyblade, ready for anything. Where was Riku?

In the distance, I could make out a body lying in the street. Fear crashed into me at the same time as another thunderclap resounded through the cold air. I rushed through the deep puddles of water to the body. I could see pale skin, but everything else was doused in shadow. I slid to my knees and grabbed the person's head, praying it wasn't Riku.

My fingers found red hair, darkened with rain. Beneath two closed eyes were upside-down teardrop tattoos. A black cloak molded around his body. "Axel?" I asked quietly, confused. I'd seen him pass away. He'd died in my grasp. How could he be here, one year later? "Axel," I called, but he didn't budge. Somehow his body seemed both heavy and limp. His normally pale skin was even more pallid. I placed one hand beneath his nose. He was still breathing.

"Axel!" I tried again. His eyes twitched slightly, and my heart almost stopped. What had he said before?_"Don't stop moving, or the darkness will overtake you." _

"Axel, come on! Wake up!"

I barely knew him, yet my heart hurt. He had sacrificed himself for me and had already died once in my arms. The pit of my stomach twisted and turned, as though the storm were inside me. "Axel!" He turned his face toward me, so I pulled his head into my lap. Softly running a hand through his hair, I whispered, "Please, wake up."

His eyes opened, slowly as if he were afraid to see. The green irises seemed clouded over. Water trickled onto his eyelashes. I stroked his cheek; then I leaned over him, trying to keep him dry. "Roxas?" he asked.

My throat closed. I didn't know what to say. His eyes met mine perfectly, yet he had called me Roxas. Roxas and I weren't so much alike, and Axel knew the difference between us. "Roxas?" he asked again, squeezing my heart with his words.

Before I could say no, thunder vibrated the city. I could hear the glass window plates quaking in the buildings around us. Instead, I said, "Axel, are you all right?"

"Where have you been?" he asked. "Roxas." A flash of lightening reflected off his clouded eyes. "Roxas, why did you leave me? After what you said..."

"What did I say?" I had never seen Axel like this before, not even in the broken bits of memory I'd gained from my Nobody.

"You promised me, Roxas. How could you forget? But you left me, why did you leave me?"

I tried to answer for my other half: "I wanted to be Somebody."

Axel laughed, a frightened, choking sound. "You needed more."

"Axel..."

He tried to sit up, stumbling over his weak arms. Somehow, he managed to prop himself up by the elbows. "Roxas," he said, leaning toward me. I kneeled lower, trying to catch his words over the storm. "How could leave me after what you said?"

"What did I say?" I asked again, desperate to know. Even though he was speaking to Roxas, my body shook at the sorrow in his voice. "Please, tell me."

His face tilted toward mine. My stomach shivered with the rumble of thunder in the sky. I thought, Is he going to kiss me? This being only the third time we'd spoken, I had little idea of what to expect, but I knew if he were trying to kiss anyone, it was Roxas. But why couldn't he tell the difference between us?

"Wait, Axel." I had to tell him, but he wasn't listening to me anymore. His green eyes had come to a close. Soon his lips were so near mine that I could feel his breath, like a warm breeze in the cold rain.

"How could you forget, Roxas? When it meant everything to me."

I'd never been kissed before, and I'd never expected this, but for some reason, Axel's words and his expression captured all my attention. It was as though he were using all his force to lure me in. On the pavement, my hand found his, and he laced his frigid fingers through mine. My eyes fluttered shut, as I readied myself for his lips.

"Sora!" I heard Riku yell in the distance. I pulled away, my skin hot with a blush even in the cold. "What's going on?" He dashed to me, slid to a stop on his knees. I wondered how much he'd seen, but what he said next made me believe the rain had hidden our interaction: "Are you all right? Who is this?" He paused. "Axel?"

I nodded, still nervous. My arms trembled slightly, from more than the cold. The anticipation of Axel's coming kiss had worked my nerves up into a frenzy, and since his lips had never met mine, the adrenaline was still flooding my veins, like the water pooling the surrounding streets.

"What is he doing here?" Riku questioned vigorously. "You said he'd died!"

"He did die." My voice faltered. "I saw it... with my own eyes." He'd opened the portal to the World That Never Was and passed away, floating to the sky like tiny bits of scattered paper.

Axel's eyes were resting again, his head fallen to my lap. "Roxas, don't leave me this time," he mumbled. No more words escaped his lips. Once more, I checked his breathing, which was deep and even.

"We can't leave him here, Riku," I said, trying to pull the unconscious Nobody into my arms. Even though he had skinny limbs, he was heavy. "Please, help me. Did you find a dry place to rest?"

"Yes, an empty house not too far from here. I'm sorry it took me so long, but a swarm of Nobodies and Heartless attacked me from out of nowhere. Maybe..." He watched Axel intently, as though expecting him to jump up and attack. "Maybe it has something to do with his return."

"Did you fight all the Heartless and Nobodies off?"

"I managed to knock out most of them, then suddenly, they all fled." We both knew this behavior was odd. Our enemies never ran away, unless someone called them off. Nevertheless, with the rain still pounding against our skulls, and with Axel unconscious, we understood that now was not the time to discuss the matter. Together, we lifted Axel, one of his arms around each of our shoulders. "I found an open house. There's no electricity, but I found some candles. It will have to do for now. We can wait out the storm and then head out to another world."

"Why did we come here in the first place?"

"I'm not sure. I just felt something drawing me here."

I glanced at Axel's calm face. His pale skin looked like porcelain, and I feared we might break him. "Maybe we came for him," I said softly.

Riku's wary gaze shifted toward me, then to the distance. "We won't know until later."

With nothing more to say, we headed into the darkness, to an abandoned house, with our unexpected visitor in tow.

* * *

Author's Note: Hello, thanks for opening up this story, and I hope you continue to read. My mind is teeming with ideas, and I already have a strong structure in mind for this piece. I've never left a story unfinished before; so don't worry, I'll see this one to the end.

Please read & **review**. Even a simple one word review is nice, just so I can gauge interest. I'll give a shout-out to my best reviewer.


	2. A House of Ghosts

_Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes_

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

Thank you to **jenmoos** for the best review. Guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out why the heartless attacked!

* * *

Chapter Two

The house Riku led us to was doused in black. Somehow, Riku could still see everything inside, like an aqua-eyed cat. We crossed corners, water dripping off us and onto the tile floor, until we came upon a large bed. Carefully, we lowered Axel onto the mattress. His eyes were still shut, and his expression seemed stricken. I wanted to ask him again, "What had Roxas said to you in the past?" In my mind, I was tearing through memories, hoping that Roxas had deposited some remnant of this past conversation. There was nothing, almost as though the Nobody inside me wanted to keep this one memory to himself.

Suddenly, a flicker of light filled the room. Riku had struck a match and was holding it to candle wicks. Within a minute, the dull glow of candlelight lit up what can only be described as an empty room. The walls were bare, the tile floor white, the tabletops wiped clean but for dust.

"Where did you find those candles?" I asked.

"In a kitchen drawer." He shrugged. "No food though. We can't stay here for long. Just until the rain let's up, and..." His gaze drifted to our unconscious guest.

"And Axel wakes up." I finished for him, seating myself on the bed next to the Nobody. The sheets had already filled with water from his wet clothes. The pillowcase was soaked through from his hair. All I could think was, we need to dry him off, or else he'll get sick. "Are there any towels?" I asked Riku.

"I'll go check the bathroom," he said and disappeared down a dark hallway.

I wondered what sort of people would live in the houses in the World That Never Was. The only Nobodies I'd met who took on human form were those in Organization XIII, with the exception of Namine. Maybe the citizens were the ghosts of the dead—those who never were. That would explain the emptiness, if not the candles. When Axel awoke, I would ask him if he'd ever seen anyone walking the streets.

As if he had heard my thoughts, Axel began to stir. A strangled moan escaped his lips, as though he struggled in the grasp of a nightmare. Finally, his eyes blinked open, revealing their blinding blue-green. I blushed and turned away, afraid he'd seen my stare. From the corner of my eye, I could still see him, though. His gaze never left the ceiling.

"Axel?" I said after a moment of strange silence. His entire body tensed, as if he hadn't known I was there. "Are you all right?"

"Roxas?" he asked and jumped up too fast. His eyelids shut, fighting dizziness, and he leaned into a pillow. "You're here. Then, it wasn't a dream. You _were_ out there in the rain with me. What's going on, Roxas? I thought you were gone... I was gone..."

So then, he didn't know how he was alive either. "Axel, I need to tell you something." Just as I was about to name myself as Sora, and not Roxas, he took my hand in his. His skin felt strangely soft. I would have expected callouses from his chakrams, but instead the palm was perfectly smooth, as though the metal blades had rubbed out any hardened skin. I wondered where his gloves had gone.

"It's okay, Roxas," he said with smirk. "I forgive you." His face was turned toward mine, yet his eyes seemed fixed on my lips. The whole interaction gave me goosebumps—from both the mystery and his touch.

"For what?" Internally, I kicked myself for pretending to be Roxas. My curiosity was getting the better of me.

"Don't play like that." For a second, I thought he'd caught me in my charade, but once he continued, I realized I was still safe. "You know good and well what I'm talking about. I know you have our past memorized. At least, I do. At least _that_ memory."

I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't ask me to tell him the memory I was supposed to know so well. Axel massaged his thumb into the back of my hand. I watched him closely. His gaze had once again pulled away from mine. Now, he blankly watched the wall. There was a distant look in his eyes, as though he could see past this house, into the street, as though he were remembering. "Roxas," he said suddenly. "I'm caught between figuring out how we're here together and just enjoying the feel of you." He squeezed my hand tighter.

Once again, a red flush took to my cheeks. Kairi would be shocked to learn of this interaction with Axel. She still hoped that our friendship would become more. Back when I was fourteen and we were all separated, I thought I was in love with her, but after years of journeying and learning, I grew out of Destiny Islands and my silly crush. I had grown out of Kairi, and grown into liking boys. The only person I'd told so far was Riku, who had only nodded in response and remained silent. Riku had once liked Kairi, too, but since falling into the darkness, he seemed to have stopped loving anyone or anything. He kept his heart at a distance, just like he kept my secret.

I too was enjoying the feel of Axel's hand. I wasn't sure if I was actually into him, or just the idea of another boy caring about me. Or maybe Roxas' thoughts were affecting my own. Nevertheless, in this silent house, I replayed over and over in my mind the image of us two nearly kissing in the rain only minutes before. How would a boy's lips feel? Or anyone's lips for that matter? How would Axel's lips feel? His upper lip was only a bit thinner than the lower. Both seemed pale in the candlelight. He held his mouth slightly parted, as though ready for another's kiss.

"I found a towel in the hall closet," Riku's voice boomed from behind. Startled, I let go of Axel's hand.

The redhead turned in Riku's direction. "Who is that, Roxas?" he asked.

"Um..." I stumbled over my words. Axel had just called me Roxas in front of Riku. How was I going to explain everything?

"_Roxas_?" Riku said, approaching the bed like a deer would a hunter. He had dropped the towel onto the floor. His arms were flexed, and his legs slightly apart, as he sized Axel up. The rain pounded on the windows and doors. "He thinks you're Roxas?"

Axel patted his hand against the bed, in search of mine. "What do you mean 'think'?" he demanded. "Roxas, what's going on? Where am I anyway?"

"You're in an abandoned house in the World That Never Was—"

Riku cut in, "And he's not Roxas. That's Sora." His eyes seemed to burn holes through Axel's bones. I recalled Riku's fight with Roxas at Memory Skyscraper, and how I spent a year in a coma because of Organization XIII. Riku must not be very fond of the Nobodies he'd worked so hard to destroy—in order to wake me up and bring us home.

"Sora?" Axel found my hand and gripped it tightly, this time without any intimacy, almost like some sort of test. "The Keyblade Bearer. Roxas' Somebody... This _would_ happen, wouldn't it?" A short chuckle came from his throat, like a snarled bark.

"What are you doing here, Axel?" Riku's voice was so sharp, I swore it could rip through flesh and bone. "You're supposed to be dead, and why do you think Sora is Roxas?" Riku crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Suspicion festered around him like an open sore.

"He sounded like him," he replied simply, ignoring Riku's first question. Casually, he placed his arms behind his head, acting as though he could care less for my friend's temper.

After throwing an odd glance in my direction, Riku knelt next to me and held his hand up to Axel's eyes. The redhead didn't blink. "Where is my hand right now?" he asked him. Axel lifted his gaze to just above his thumb. Riku nodded slowly, then moved his hand to match Axel's eye level. "And now?" This time, the redhead looked too far to the right. "So, you're blind?"

"Guess I'm busted." Axel smirked. Suddenly, the haze in his irises made sense. He thought I was Roxas because he couldn't see me. I blushed, embarrassed that I had let him hold my hand, had almost let him kiss me.

Outside, the thunderstorm had dwindled to what sounded like a bearable beat. "You have a lot of explaining to do," Riku said, standing up and heading toward the door. "But I for one would rather talk about this elsewhere, without the Castle That Never Was looming over my shoulder. I'm going to see if the rain has let up enough for travel. Sora, you watch this." By this, he meant Axel, and it made me a little sad to hear Riku refer to the Nobody as an object. Where Riku, and many others, held prejudice against the Nobodies' inability to feel emotion, I always wondered how much truth there was to that theory. Both Roxas and Namine, and even Axel, projected some sort of feeling into their lives. Their stories always seemed drenched in sadness.

Riku shut the door behind him, leaving Axel and me alone again. He still wore a smirk. Suddenly, he threw his legs to the floor, one on each side of me. How he managed to not strike me with his feet, I didn't know. "Tell me then, what's it like?"

"What's what like?" I asked nervously.

"To be two people in one? Roxas lives inside you, right? You're not all one being anymore. A Nobody inside a Somebody. Don't you ever wonder which one of you is in control?"

"No." I hadn't wondered. Well, at least, not until now.

"You really are Sora, aren't you? Roxas would have thought about what it meant to be two in one, but your voices are so similar. Let me check..." Without asking, he ran his fingers along my own toward my wrist, stealing a breath from me at the same time. Slowly, his fingertips found their way up my arm to my neck, along my collarbone to my chin. His fingertips ghosted to my lips. Automatically, I opened my mouth a little, trying my best to keep my breathing steady. Axel's eyes followed his hand's motions to the tip of my nose, over my cheekbones, to my eyelashes. I blinked rapidly, and a soft chuckle escaped his lips. He felt over my eyelids to my eyebrows, then down the side of my face to the crook of my ear. I couldn't move, as if his hand had frozen me in place. Finally, he traced my jawline once more, before cupping my face in his palm. "Yeah," he said, "you aren't him. Very close, but I have his face memorized."

I wanted to ask him how he had memorized Roxas' face—what they had done together. The more time I spent with Axel, the more I suspected the two Nobodies of more than friendship. Before I could build up the bravery, Axel leaned into me. As though in slow-motion, his lips graced my cheek. "Especially there," he said. "You two seem so much like each other there."

"Axel?" I managed, and he laughed, crossing his arms back behind his head.

"Both of you are nervous wrecks, too. If I remember you correctly, you have quite the pretty face, but you two definitely aren't the same."

"We're that different? You sure couldn't tell before."

Somehow, what I said wiped the smirk of Axel's face. "Well, you're different all right, but just as perceptive, I guess. You're probably less of a liar, too." His words struck me—I knew so little about Roxas' life and personality. Had he been nice? Mean? What had he told Axel before, and how had he 'left him'? I had so many questions, but Axel didn't seem too much like the honest type. I would have to wait for the best time to confront him.

The front door broke open. Riku came in, breathless, weapon in his hand. "Heartless," he told us, "and Nobodies. _Again_. Sora, let's go."

Immediately, I called my Keyblade forth. Then, I hesitated, my worries circling the redhead beside me. "What about Axel?"

"For all I know, they're here for him. Leave him behind. We'll collect him when we're finished with them."

"I can still fight," Axel said, standing from the bed, he pulled his gloves out of a pocket in his cloak and put them on. Then, as though to prove his point, a spark ignited in his palm, followed by a bright ball of flame. "Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I'm useless. I can sense the Nobodies; I can kill them faster than either of you. I'll protect Roxas. And Sora, too. Whether you like it or not." The flame dimmed and died. He placed his warm palm on my shoulder. I held my breath and tried to believe he meant to protect only me, and not Roxas, too.

* * *

Author's Note: What could Axel be hiding? Why is he blind? How exactly is Sora feeling, and are Riku's suspicions correct or not? Well, the only way to find out is to read the next chapter.

Please, **review**_**. **_Two more reviews gets Chapter Three up! I'll do another shout out to my favorite review.


	3. Between Worlds

Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

Thank you to **summer. stroke** for the best review. I always try to stick to the game plot and imagery, and I hate out of character actions. Hope this story lives up to your expectations.

* * *

Chapter Three

Even though the rain had stopped, the clouds still herded together like shadows in the sky. Nobodies swarmed us from all sides. Close behind them flickered Neoshadows, dipping in and out of the cement like water. Riku equipped his Soul Eater, while I twirled my Keyblade in my right hand. Axel stood behind us both, quiet, his hands alight with embers. I glanced to Riku, looking for a sign as to when to strike, but before I could make eye contact, a flame shot past us and into the nearest Nobody—a Dancer. The pink Dancer burst into red flames, then disintegrated into ash.

"Told you I wasn't useless," Axel said, a grin hanging off his lips like a crescent moon. Fire reignited in his fingertips, rippling in the wind. I couldn't tell where the flames ended and his fingers began.

Riku only cocked a brow in mild amusement. "Nice aim," I complimented, and Axel turned his smirk my way. I had to force myself to look away from his face and back to my opponents. His lips were far too alluring to me. I could feel his fire behind me, warming my spine. I remembered his warm hand on my shoulder only moments before. I swallowed hard, gripped my Keyblade for reassurance. I needed to concentrate on the task ahead of me, not on the redhead behind me.

"Let's go!" Riku demanded. We lurched forward and swung our blades in unison, taking out three or four Nobodies in one go. Five or six Neoshadows jumped high into the air, only to burst into orange fire. Their ash fell like rain onto my cheeks. Thanking Axel, silently, I continued forward. There were too many enemies to count, not that I was counting. I thought only of ripping them to shreds, protecting my own heart. Sweat bloomed on my forehead. I could hear Riku's own labored breath. But where was our third party?

Axel stood motionless in the midst of Nobodies. His lips moved silently, as though he spoke to them. A few Snipers swooped above him, their red lights circling his arms and legs. "Now now," Axel said, "didn't we all used to be _friends_?" He shrugged. "Why did it have to come to this?" A wheel of fire grew around him, burning those closest to him. Gradually, it extended, reaching far beyond the Nobodies around him, eventually singeing the foes I faced. "I've got your back, Sora!" he called out. How could he see me? Could he feel me out like he could the Nobodies? Roxas lived inside me, which meant there was a Nobody within me... Was this what Axel had meant when he said I wasn't "all one being anymore"?

"What's he trying to do?" Riku yelled. "Kill us?" The ring of fire Axel had created had not yet stopped expanding. I stepped back slowly, frightened, but the flames were catching up to me, only inches away from my feet.

"Now, _that_ would be too easy," Axel retorted, laughter evident in his voice. "I figured you two were so strong, then you must have some sort of fireproof shield. I'd duck and cover if I were you. This battle is getting pretty old pretty fast."

Riku grabbed my shoulder and pulled me behind him. "Reflectga!" I summoned my own equivalent to the spell, hoping it would hold. "You traitor..." Riku's words were full of malice. All I could think was that Axel hadn't betrayed us at all. He hadn't sworn any allegiances, not really, and with the way Riku was acting, he couldn't really be on his side. I shook my head. Was I siding with Axel now? Riku was my best friend. I should think of him over a stranger.

The hot flames turned white. My vision went out for a second, and my skin felt hotter than dry beach sand. I heard the Reflectga shell cracking—a frightening crick-crick that could only hint to sudden death. Then, as quickly as the white light came, it left. I fell to my knees, my strength wasted from the overuse of magic. As soon as my eyes readjusted to the darkness, I found Riku beside me.

"We're okay," I said.

Riku straightened his back before opening his ice blue eyes. "If you say so. That was quite the stunt he pulled there. But still, looks like all the Heartless and Nobodies are gone."

I took in my surroundings. The streets were empty, the fire put out. A few streetlamps had survived the torrent of flame, lighting the cement with little spotlights. With all the enemies defeated, I should have felt relief, yet something was nagging at my gut. Everything was quiet—too quiet—and vacant. No one, nothing was to be seen. And then I realized: Where was Axel? My eyes groped every corner of the streets, but his tall figure was nowhere to be seen. Finally, a limp, collapsed figure came into focus beside one of the streetlamps.

"Axel!" Somehow, even with my legs feeling like lead, I ran to him. Not again, I thought. This was too much like last time, when he spent all his energy to save me from the Nobodies. I pressed my fingers into the crook of his neck, hoping to feel a pulse, before remembering there was no heart in his body. I shuddered at his silent heartbeat. If he didn't have a heart to spread blood throughout his body, how could he be alive at all? How could his skin be so warm? I was sure these questions were the ones that plagued Axel on the daily, alongside all the members of Organization XIII, and Roxas, as well.

Once again, I pulled his head into my lap. From the corner of my eye, I could see Riku watching in the background. Although I couldn't see the expression on his face, I knew it must be one of contempt. Sometimes, Riku could be protective of me, like an obsessive older brother. What he lacked in words of caring, he had more than made up for in pushing around my junior high school bullies and sacrificing his own light. At times, I wondered whether or not I was worth it. Especially now—when all I could think of was a Nobody and Riku worried relentlessly—I knew I took his loyalty for granted.

Suddenly, a slight chuckle sounded from behind Axel's closed mouth. "So, Sora?" he said, his eyes still closed. "Here we are again, just the two of us."

My fingers twitched in shock against his hair; my stomach flipped. "What do you mean?"

"Too bad your bodyguard is around, otherwise I think you might kiss me right now." He laughed. "Always looking for an opportunity to hold me, aren't you, Roxas?"

"Sora..." I managed.

"Same thing." I wanted to tell him it wasn't, but before I could form the words, his blind eyes opened.

"Should we leave then? I think I can walk now." Relief flowed through my veins. Whether or not he had a heart, I was happy that Axel was still breathing. Slowly he sat up, and in no time flat, Riku reached us.

"Shall we go then?" he asked.

"I'm pretty impressive, aren't I?" Axel replied. It seemed as though Axel enjoyed taunting Riku as much as Riku enjoyed hating him. "What did you think, Sora?"

"I think you helped out a lot."

"I think you should learn restraint," Riku cut in.

Axel crossed his arms. "Restraint has never been my speciality." Then, he tilted his head toward me. "Not that I'd ever want it any other way." Without another word, he crossed the space between us and pressed his lips against the hollow of my cheek. His lips were warm, instantly bringing a hot flush to my skin. When he pulled away, he added, "Damn, too bad I can't see. I was hoping to catch your lips."

I sucked in a breath, and Riku growled. "Get up!" He grabbed Axel's arm, pulling him up so fast I thought he might tear the tendons in his shoulder. In the exact opposite way, Riku reached around my back and lifted me into a standing position. After looking me up and down with worried eyes, Riku pivoted toward Axel, who he pushed forward. Like a prisoner on death row, Axel walked ahead of us as we headed to the gummi ship.

"Keep off Sora," Riku said threateningly.

Axel laughed. "Give or take Sora," he replied, "you can't say whether or not I can have my way with Roxas." I blushed again and held my stomach. From then on, Riku pushed Axel a bit harder, not that the Nobody seemed to mind at all.

* * *

Our gummi ship was the largest I'd ever travelled in. Complete with two bedrooms, a guest room, a sitting room, and a bathroom, it was practically a home. Riku made sure to lock Axel in the guest room, but I wasn't too concerned, considering I had my own master key. In the meantime, I took my place in my own bed, behind closed doors, and took to what I would call homework, more or less. This type of studying was different from the normal textbook kind. Instead of vocabulary and theorems, I tried to memorize my own mind. With Roxas inside me, it was clear that a whole new set of memories had rooted itself within, like an onslaught of unwanted parasites. Whereas before I was more than happy to ignore the presence of my other's thoughts, Axel's awakening had stirred a new curiosity within me. Who was I really—Sora or Roxas, or a cross between the two? And more importantly, what had happened between Roxas and Axel? If I could learn just what the two Nobodies had felt for each other, then maybe I could make sense of my own rampant and uncontrollable emotions.

I wracked my mind, searching for an answer. The most present memories were those of a flower-shaped, clear shell—something I'd been trapped within. Why? I didn't know, but I could see my own self locked inside, asleep and peaceful. The mood of this memory: melancholic.

Next came an abrupt image of Axel, shouting, _"I'm so_ flattered_!_ _But you're too late!_" Flames burst all around him, his chakrams flying to his ready hands. I fought him; I defeated him. He fell to the ground, weak and somehow regretful. "Roxas," he said, tears pooling his sea-green eyes, "_I don't have an afterlife._" Immediately, I was knocked from this memory. My heart raced, beating in my throat. Where was I? I seemed to be behind a curtain of darkness. I wanted nothing more than to return to the gummi ship, to reality. Maybe trekking through memories I'd never truly possessed had been a bad idea...

But then, I saw Axel leaning against a building in The World That Never Was. His arms crossed, he seemed unable to meet my—or Roxas'?— eyes. "They'll turn on you! Don't trust them." I couldn't stop myself; I walked away. "Roxas!" he called out. "What's happened to us? What's happened to you?"

"_No one would miss me,_" I said, my mouth forming words I couldn't remember.

"_That's not true. I would..."_

Axel...

I jumped up from my bed, my heart pounding. I still didn't understand. Axel and Roxas—it was all a mystery. Were they only friends? I felt something wet trail down my cheeks, as though my skin bled. When I touched my eyes, I found only tears. My skin was covered in goosebumps. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached for my keys, my fingers resting on the only one that mattered. Riku would be at the gummi ship's wheel, steering us toward Radiant Garden. He wouldn't see me walking down the hallway, slipping the key into Axel's door.

The hinges on the door creaked slightly when I let myself in. The room was covered in darkness. I guessed a blind man wouldn't mind the lights off. My hand groped for a light switch, but since I'd never been in the guest room before, I couldn't find one. Silence smothered me. Neither a breath nor a twitch could be heard. Perhaps Axel was sleeping.

Suddenly, a bright light lit the room. As my eyes adjusted, I found the source to be on the far side. Axel, in only black pants and a black tank, sat upright on the bed, his hand awash in fire. "Let me guess," he said. "Who else would visit me but Roxas?"

"It's Sora."

"Right." His eyes flashed with each flicker of the flames, as though the irises burned. "Why don't you shut the door before you alert your bodyguard." I followed his directions before heading toward him. "So, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to ask you... What happened... with Roxas?"

Somehow, the fire in his hand stilled. Everything fell stiff and quiet. The glint in Axel's eyes seemed menacing, like an animal calmly waiting to kill. "I don't see how that's any of your concern, _Sora_." The emphasis he placed on my name pointed out that I was different from the Nobody he might care so much for.

"We're the same, right? You said so yourself. Roxas and I are one being. Then, tell me. What happened between the two of you. Before..." I paused, worried I was taking things too far, but Axel only watched me intently, with anticipation. "Before, you mentioned a broken promise. What did I—I mean, he promise you?" By this time, I'd reach the bed. The moment I seated myself, he extinguished his fire. Darkness oppressed me, sending shivers through my veins, but I could still hear Axel's soft breath. The thought of him near somehow brought me closer to ease.

"Why don't you find the answer yourself?" he asked in a tense voice.

"I tried," I answered truthfully.

A laugh sounded deep within his throat. "Obviously not goddamn hard enough. Roxas would never forget that promise. Don't you realize, Sora, that I could never forget, too. You... you're pretty enough"—I bit my lip, thankful for the lack of light—"but Roxas, his blue eyes, both unforgiving and full of need, you could never possess that kind of desperation. You're too light."

"I'm not all light." I didn't know why I said it. I didn't even know if that was true. As Keyblade Bearer, I never knew if I was all light or the perfect mix of yin and yang. However, Axel's hoarse voice made me want to be less innocent. He made me want to have experience. I'd still never kissed. Maybe if I had, I would cross the darkness between us and take his lips in my own. Then, maybe I could show him how much I was like Roxas. Maybe I could show him I was better.

I blushed at my own thoughts. No matter how much I wished to be dark, I was still all innocence. Why did I even think about Axel at all? I remembered his fire red hair. His captivating eyes. Did all it take was an almost-kiss in the rain to make me fall for someone? I didn't think so. Yet, the idea of his blind eyes stirred a worry in me too little like pity and so much like desire to take care of him. Riku's anger only made me want to prove Axel's humanity even more.

"What are you thinking?" Axel asked, knocking me out of my reverie. His fingers braced my wrist, as though searching out a friend in the dark. "Tell me."

"I want to know what Roxas said to you," I told him. "I want to know who I am now that I am part Roxas."

"You'll never know until you start acting like him." His fingers trailed up my arm to my shoulder. Then, he pulled me forward. I had no idea how close we were until he chuckled. I could feel his laughter on my lips. So close I could almost touch his taste.

"How would Roxas act now?" What did Axel's expression look like in this moment? Somehow, the darkness made every sense so much more vibrant. Where I could not see, I could hear his breath. Where I could not find his face, I could almost feel the tip of his nose.

"Well." He hesitated, surprising me. Axel had never seemed shy. "Maybe, just maybe, he would kiss me. But what would Sora do? How much of Roxas can you be?"

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my mouth against his. He gripped my shoulder harder, then pushed me against him. His chest felt so warm against my trembling body. As our lips slipped into each other's in perfect unison, I brought my hand to his bare arm. His hot skin livened me. When he parted his mouth, I opened my own, inviting his tongue, which slid against mine slowly. My head felt dizzy; my fingertips were going numb. Axel gripped the small of my back and pulled me closer. My thoughts rushed with butterflies, then filled with worries. Was I doing this right? Would Roxas have kissed him in this way?

Axel separated from me, a quick pant breaking from his lips against my own. "Sora," he mumbled. He began to rub circles on the small of my back with his hand. "We should stop."

"Why?" I asked, shocked by my own whimper.

Suddenly, he let me go. My skin went cold without his embrace. "Because you aren't him... You're different." He didn't need to explain who 'he' was.

"Is that so bad?"

"I don't know."

My hands shook with shame. I had kissed him, my first kiss, and yet all he could think was that it wasn't enough. Standing abruptly, I tried to search out the door in the darkness. "Then, I'll go. We're almost to Radiant Garden. We'll figure out what to do with the likes of your kind once we get there." As the cruel words formed themselves on my tongue, I pretended to feel as Riku felt. Axel didn't respond. Finally, I saw the white light outlining the door, which I headed toward quickly.

"So then," Axel said as I twisted the doorknob. "You care that much, huh? You had better watch with open eyes while they tear me to shreds."

I opened the door, pushing myself into light as tears stung my eyes. I could never be Roxas, and Axel didn't seem pleased that I was Sora. With his blind eyes, did he even know I was leaving the room? "Like a Nobody even exists," I managed, hating myself as each syllable sounded. Then, I slammed the door, so he'd know I was gone.

* * *

Author's Note: I can't help but feel bad for both Sora and Axel. What will happen once they reach Radiant Garden?

**Review**, please. Shout out to my most detailed review.


	4. Radiant Garden

Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

Thanks again to **summer. stroke** for the most detailed review. Cheesy or not, I will 'write on'!

* * *

Chapter Four

As we approached Radiant Garden, Hollow Bastion loomed high above the town, breaking the clouds of the world. Riku landed perfectly on a small expanse of leveled brick. I stood on the ship's deck, breathing in the open air. Despite the disappointing journey here, happiness managed to saturate my every pore. Here I was, about to see old friends, and able to breathe fresh air after nearly two days spent cooped up inside a gummi ship. The brick homes and shops, the lavender sky, even the dilapidated iron castle—these familiar sights relaxed my tense body. After being in The World That Never Was for so long, it was easy to forget that other worlds existed, and in them, friendly faces.

Suddenly, Riku appeared on the deck, prisoner in tow. Axel stumbled forward, Riku dragging him by the elbow. In the sunlight, I could finally see Axel's blind eyes clearly. The beautiful sea-green irises seemed a little clouded with their lack of sight. Yet, instead of stealing away any beauty, the haze added an extra layer of majesty, like glazed pearls.

Once Riku reached me, he tossed Axel against one of the ship's masts. Then, he said to me, "Let's go find Leon and the gang. Maybe their computer can help us figure a few things out, and if not their computer, then maybe even Ansem's. We need to learn how this Nobody has managed to make his way back, before it's too late."

"Too late for what?" I asked. Axel crossed his arms and shut his eyes. Then, as though sensing my stare, he met my gaze.

"Well," Axel mumbled, barely audible, "your guess is as good as mine, Keyblade Bearer." So then, Axel wouldn't even refer to me by my name anymore. I supposed that if he had spoken to me as harshly as I had to him the previous night, then I would be more than a little irritated. Still, part of me had hoped he would forgive and forget. If Riku saw him treating me with any cruelty, then Axel might provoke whatever fury my best friend had managed to keep buried. Despite saying that Nobodies lacked an existence, I wasn't ready to watch my friends dismember Axel. Not that Aerith or Yuffie, or even Merlin, would allow such violence, but if I caught Leon alone with Axel, who knows what would happen, especially if Riku were in on it.

"I don't trust you," Riku snapped at the Nobody.

"Really? By now I thought we were blood brothers."

"Why don't you just fess up. Tell us what you know already."

Axel sighed and waved a hand in Riku's direction. "That's just it. I don't know anything, but you're right, even if I did, I certainly wouldn't tell _you_." Even though Axel's voice held fire, his face seemed weary. Dark shadows collected beneath his lash lines, like phosphorescent bruises.

"Well, once we meet with our friends, we'll wipe that cocky expression off your face." Riku was wrong. Axel didn't look smug at all. His entire body seemed dependent on the mast he was leaning on. I wondered if he'd slept much last night. I'd spent the entire night at the wheel, while Riku slept. With the kiss on my mind, I couldn't have rested even if I'd tried. Axel had provoked me into kissing him, only to turn me down. A part of my pride felt bludgeoned, while another part of me still held silly, adolescent hope. What was it we had said?_'You're not him.' 'Is that so bad?' 'I don't know.'_ He didn't know. Did that mean Axel was just as confused as me?

In silence, we disembarked. Riku walked ahead, apparently frustrated enough to let me handle Axel. While the Nobody made no effort to talk, I noticed how he let his body sag into mine. Our shoulders touched lightly. I cursed myself for even caring about any contact between us.

Once we made it to the village square, we were approached by numerous pals and acquaintances. We exchanged many brief welcomes, before moving on. As we were about to exit the square, Scrooge McDuck practically tackled us in front of an ice freezer. After a curt hello, he filled us in on his booming business.

"The munny keeps pouring in. I might even buy myself a new watch, although I'm not the kind for frivolous spending. Don't you remember? You tried the product only last year and said you _loved_ it. All the kids lap it up like gold coins." Wracking my brain for any memories of this great invention, I came up empty-handed. Obviously offended, McDuck ruffled his feathers before turning toward the freezer. When he whipped back around, he held two sky blue popsicles. "Sea-Salt Ice Cream!"

Axel's whole body tensed against me. Gone was the tiredness, replaced by a sort of confused disorientation. Eyebrows rooted together, he watched his feet. "Axel?" I asked, placing a hand on his forearm. His throat undulated as he seemed to struggle to swallow, but he didn't pull away from me. In fact, he pressed his arm into my palm, as though seeking out comfort.

"How about you boys try some," McDuck prodded, "for a price, of course. No discounts, even if you did help save this world a few times. I can't treat any of my customers differently. Fifty munny apiece! For the best ice cream experience of your life, that is."

Riku seemed about to push McDuck into the freezer, but I already knew the best way out of this situation was to just make the purchase. Otherwise, McDuck's feathers would puff out to new heights and he'd groan all day until we bought some. Handing over one hundred munny, I purchased one for myself and Riku. As expected, McDuck waddled away counting the coins. Riku kindly refused the treat, wanting to push forward immediately. So, as we restarted our walk to Leon's, I asked Axel: "Do you want some ice cream?"

I felt a little silly and childish for asking, thinking Axel would laugh in my face. However, surprisingly, the Nobody nodded quietly. "Let's see if you're a winner," he said, holding a hand out for the popsicle. We unwrapped them and dug in. The moment the sweet and salty flavor hit my tongue, I grew dizzy. Blaming a sugar rush, I tried to ignore it, but with each step, the fuzz in front of my eyes intensified, like television static.

"Riku, wait." I pressed my back into the nearest cobblestone cottage. I could hear a muffled retort from my friend but couldn't make out any individual words. A strong, gloved hand grasped my wrist as I felt myself slowly sliding down, slipping into a pool of black.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I discovered it was sunset. Purple and orange intermixed like smoke in the heavy sky. A strong wind blew through my hair. I worried I might lose my balance, although that didn't make much sense. After all, what could I fall from? Only then did I realize I was on top of the Twilight Town Train Station clock tower. I looked at my hands, which were covered with black gloves. A black cloak reached my feet, which were stuffed into thick boots. Before panic could take over, I heard footsteps. To my left, Axel approached me, a sheepish grin on his face.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, "but I brought an apology present." He produced two bars of chilly Sea-Salt Ice Cream and handed me one. "Let's see if you're a winner." When I bit into my ice cream, my teeth began to chatter from the cold. Axel laughed. "You're supposed to lick it. Sometimes, I think _you're_ the hotheaded one."

"Am I? Well, maybe I forgot how to eat ice cream." The coy tone in my voice shocked me. Where had I learned to speak like that? I could almost swear I was flirting. I had no control over my words. My body seemed to be going through the motions of the scene.

"Oh? Have you now? I guess I'll just have to show you then." Putting his ice cream aside, Axel leaned in toward me. His gloved hand graced my cheek, stroking it softly. "You have to be careful, because one slip and you might make a mess." A slight smirk lit up his expression. Even though I tried, I couldn't close my eyes. I watched his face tip nearer to mine and could see my reflection in his pupils. Even after Axel's eyes shut, I watched. His nose curved perfectly toward his full lips. Finally, once we kissed, my lashes fluttered to a close. I brought my fingers to rest on the back of his head. Stroking his thick hair, a moan sounded in my throat. Axel echoed the noise, pulling me closer, deepening the embrace. His mouth, sticky with sugar, tasted like the ice cream. Our bodies reclined downwards, until Axel's back pressed into the ground. I ran my hand along his neck, to his collarbone, before my thumb and index finger gripped the zipper on his cloak. He pulled away, only slightly, as though daring me to keep going. In an instant, I undid his cloak, halting at his waist. My hands explored his chest, which was achingly warm. His skin burned past my gloves, yet I wanted more—to willingly put my hand into a fire. My pulse quickened with each small breath that escaped Axel's mouth. I wanted to make him breathe harder; so I broke the kiss and brought my teeth to his neck. As I roughly bit the skin, a gasp tightened Axel's throat, followed by a shaky moan. Still, I wouldn't stop teasing him, sucking lightly while his body shuddered in pleasure.

"Roxas," he panted. I wasn't surprised; by now I knew I wasn't Sora. After all, I'd seen my face in Axel's eyes; I'd seen the light blond hair and slightly whiter skin. This had to be a memory, something that only the Sea-Salt Ice Cream had manged to conjure up. Nevertheless, I'd gotten the answer to my question: Axel and Roxas had been more than just friends.

"Be quiet, Axel," I—Roxas—said, as I brought my hand up to cover the redhead's mouth. His hand gripped my side, as he began to grind his hips into my own. Pleasure quickened within my abdomen. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from pushing my body up and off Axel's. He stayed on the ground, breathing heavily, his cloak still open, exposing his pale skin. I could see spots of purple forming on his neck where I'd bitten him.

Finally, he sat up, his arms still trembling slightly. "Why'd you stop?" he asked.

I picked up my popsicle from the where I'd dropped it on the wrapper. "Because my ice cream is melting," I teased. Then, suddenly, as though I'd been hit by a broken bottle to the head, I fell back into darkness.

* * *

When I came to, a pair of bright green eyes and brown hair filled my vision. Aerith smiled calmly before announcing, "He woke up." Immediately, an onslaught of footsteps filled my ears, as Riku, Yuffie, and Merlin rushed to the bedside. I glanced up and found Axel's face above my own. He was leaning against the bed's headboard. There was no concern written in his features, but maybe something else, something almost indistinguishable: relief. "How are you feeling, Sora?" Aerith added.

"Fine," I said, and I meant it. The dizziness had completely dissipated. I felt well enough to take on a hoard or two of Heartless, or even three. When I sat up, Axel pulled away, choosing to rest against the wall. A quick examination of the room confirmed that I was at Leon's place. The familiar hum of the computer reverberated throughout the various tables, chairs, books, and teacups that decorated the room. Leon himself was sitting in the computer chair, his hands braced over the keyboard, but his undivided attention on me. Cid stood behind Leon, his hands on his hips, chewing a popsicle stick nervously. Cloud was there too, leaning against a wall much like Axel.

Merlin held his wand over me. A simple Cure spell washed over my limbs, relieving me of any leftover pressure or tenseness. "Want to tell us what happened to you then, my boy?"

"I'm not sure. I ate that ice cream, and the next thing I knew, I was dizzy. I just wanted to sit down. Then, I... well, I..."

"Yes?"

From the corner of my eye, I could just make out Axel's face. His head was cocked toward mine, his arms crossed tightly. "I woke up and was here," I lied. What else could I say? I dreamt of an intimate memory between Axel and Roxas. That would go over well. Everyone nodded solemnly, but Axel lifted an eyebrow in suspicion. Thankfully, he remained silent, almost sullen.

After a while, it became obvious that I wasn't about to keel over, so the gang congregated around Cid's computer. Initially, this computer had been developed to control Radiant Garden's security system, but recently, with a little extra tinkering, the hard-drive expanded to include both personal and encyclopedic research data. Carefully organized in individually password-encrypted folders were Ansem and Xehanort's Reports, alongside Jiminy's journals. Apparently, Merlin had also collected numerous volumes of information throughout his long life that were compiled as well. Cid told Riku and me this while pulling up dozens of folders on the screen, typing and speaking simultaneously. Riku nodded vigorously, looking ready to pounce on the computer as soon as Cid so much as took a bathroom break.

"Could there be anything on here about Nobodies coming back to life after death?" Riku inquired.

Cid reclined in his chair, resting his elbow on its back. "Well, if it's not in here, then maybe it's in Ansem's mainframe. We haven't been able to transfer that data—there's too much, not to mention that everything's firewalled. I've been trying to crack it for months now with no headway. But, here, I'll type in a few keywords. How about 'Nobody,' 'death,' and what else?"

"Life." Axel appeared behind us, shocking me nearly out of my skin. "Try life."

Riku eyed Axel with trepidation but nodded. Cid began the search. After several minutes, not a single file came up, even though almost every nook and cranny of the computer's hard-drive had been rummaged through. Just as I was about to give up hope, the search pulled up one entry. Cid opened the file, which revealed a bunch of jumbled text. Nearly the whole document was gibberish, but once Cid did another keyword search, he came up with an almost-full sentence: "If _ym_ research proves _evisulcnocebot_, then _dionamuh_ Nobodies truly have no afterlife; death is _nisevilydobonehthcihwni,etatsevitatidematub_ darkness, _,gnitsal-gnol_ eternal, yet conscious."

"What do you make of it?" Cid asked. "If research proves—then Nobodies truly have no afterlife; death is—darkness, eternal, yet conscious?" The others looked up with interest but stayed on the far side of the room, seemingly content to just listen in. Cloud stood apart from them all, making me wonder why he was here in the first place.

"How can one be conscious but have no afterlife?" Riku questioned to no one in particular. Then, he turned to sharply to Axel. "How about you tell us, Axel. If you died, then surely you'd know. So then, you were aware of your death, even after passing?"

"I dunno." Axel seemed less than interested, his back to the computer now. "It's all such blur."

"Stop lying and out with the truth already. See, Sora, I told you he can't be trusted. He's hiding something—that much is clear." Axel never turned his head, only walked away. Somehow he managed to reach a chair at a table and sat, drumming his thumb on the tabletop and shutting his eyes. Clearly, he was getting tired of Riku berating him. Instead of biting back, Axel defended himself with silence.

Cid wheeled around in his chair. "Well, if that's the case, we won't be getting a word out of him. For now, we'll just have to believe what he says and do more research until we can prove him wrong. This file is from an anonymous source collected in the massive volumes Merlin has come by; we've no way to trace it. I say we head over to Ansem's lab. His Secret Reports mentioned the Nobodies, so maybe there are some more nuggets we can dig up about this whole afterlife business."

Riku nodded. With the proposal of visiting Hollow Bastion came the sudden interest of the entire group. Even Aerith wanted to come, insisting she wouldn't be left behind this time on account of her timid demeanor. Yuffie argued that her ninja stars would deal killing blows to any straggling Heartless. Everyone knew that Leon's intellect and gunblade would be going, as well as Cid's tech abilities. Since Riku seemed the most invested, he would most likely lead the pack. The only problem arose when Leon brought up Axel:

"What should we do with him? At the moment, we don't know if he's friend or foe. To bring him to the lab could end up disastrous, but we can't just leave him here without someone to keep a close eye on him. Merlin has to attend to some curing at the local hospital, so that means one of us will be left behind." I couldn't help but notice the way Leon spoke of Axel as though he weren't there. The Nobody stayed quiet in his chair. With his eyes so calmly shut, he almost appeared to be sleeping, but I knew better. More likely than not, his ears were perked higher than a dog's.

Riku agreed. "Normally, I would volunteer, but I think if I stick with him by myself, you might come back and find his corpse." He seemed to mean this as a joke, but the only ones to laugh were Cid and Leon.

"How about I stay," I said.

"Not alone," Riku countered, resting a protective hand on my shoulder. "You already had that fainting spell today, and if for some reason you let your guard down, who knows what he'll do to you."

Surprising us all, Cloud stepped forward. His tattered cape brushed against my leg as he came to my side. "Then, I'll watch over Axel as well. I've never been one for laboratories. Reminds me of the past. You won't need to worry with both Sora and myself standing guard." Everyone thought this was a brilliant idea. I'd never spent any time with just Cloud. The man always seemed equal parts abrasive and disinterested. I didn't know his opinion on the Nobodies, or how he would treat Axel. Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that I wouldn't have a moment alone with Axel—after all, I _had _just encountered a rather revealing memory. My head filled with a dozen new questions, but with Cloud nearby, I might not get the chance to ask.

Once everyone departed, we sat in complete silence. Axel lingered in his chair, his eyes still closed, meditative. Cloud chose to loiter on the cold hard floor. The bed ended up as my resting spot; I kicked back and counted the cobblestones in the ceiling. After ten minutes or so, I said out loud, "This is ridiculous," but no one responded, so I turned over and counted the cobblestones in the wall.

When the silence nearly led me to sleep, a small shifting noise from the corner revitalized my senses. Cloud's voice cut through the the room, clearer than music: "You know, Axel, I'm not so sure you Nobodies are as hollow as everyone tries to make you out to be." I peered over my shoulder just in time to catch Axel opening his eyes. His clouded vision stared blankly at his immobile hands. "Or maybe it's just you. People are talking about you like you're a lab rat. I can see that it bothers you. _People _bother you; _their words_ bother you. Even if you hold yourself stoically, I can see the smallest twitch—maybe because I hide myself, too. But aren't your reactions, in a sense, emotions? And if there's one thing people love to say about Nobodies, it's that they can't feel. In the end, I think the they're afraid of Nobodies; they don't understand you. Humans attack what they don't understand. It's instinct, but if we took the time to step back and watch, I think we could figure out this Nobody business just by keeping quiet, keeping our eyes open. No need for computers."

As quickly as his monologue began, it ended. Cloud took to tidying the bandages on his oversized blade. Evidently, he had nothing more to say. I couldn't think of anything either. More than ever, I regretted my harsh words to Axel last night. Axel... He still sat, gazing at his hands, but a slight smile had dusted his face. Could it mean that Cloud's words made him happy? Happiness was an emotion, too. Or maybe he was only amused. Where were we supposed to draw the line between emotion and non-emotion?

An alarm blared full blast from the computer, ripping me from my thoughts. "What's that?" I exclaimed, jumping up and dashing to sit in front of the screen. A system alert had been triggered, warning us that an ambush of enemies was headed toward the cottage.

Cloud readied his weapon. "Sora, watch Axel. I can take care of this." Without waiting for a rebuttal, he exited the cottage, leaving Axel and me alone.

The moment the door shut, Axel stood. His steps were so fast, I couldn't even count them, and in a breath he reached me. Startled, I sat up. My height was level with his collarbones. Like a begging animal, I tilted my head up to meet Axel's face.

"What did you see?" he demanded, his voice neither cold nor kind.

"When?"

"After you ate the ice cream."

"I saw..." I hesitated, unsure how to explain. How did he know about the vision, or was he only guessing? "You and Roxas, on the clock tower," I said finally. Then, a little annoyed with his abruptness, I added, "I guess it's safe to say you two were more than friends."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand." He turned his back to me, betraying no reaction. Slowly, he headed back to the table.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You'd never think about the implications of two Nobodies wanting to be close to each other, wanting companionship. What it means to be fond of one another."

I stepped forward and grasped his arm. This small motion of mine stopped Axel in his tracks. "So what if I don't understand a Nobody's existence. I _do_ know what it feels like to want companionship. I've traveled years searching for lost friends, never giving up. You always treat me like a child, but I've been through just as much as you, or Roxas. I've even become a Heartless. Why are my experiences worthless to you? Can't you give me a little credit? I guess I would need to be born a Nobody for that sort of recognition."

As I spoke, the stiffness flowed from Axel's body. Shifting his feet, he faced me once more. A smirk decorated his lips. "Nice speech. You know, the more you talk, the less naïve you turn out to be."

"I'm not naïve." At least, I hoped so.

"I wouldn't go that far." Axel placed both his palms on my shoulders. My bones felt like tiny birds in his large grasp. "So then, Sora, did you like what you saw? Tell me, did you see the memory like an omniscient narrator, or through Roxas's point of view?" I swallowed hard, my embarrassment flushing my face. Axel chuckled softly at my lack of response. "I thought so. That was why you wouldn't let anyone else carry you to this house but me. Riku tried to carry you here, but you wouldn't stop trembling until I got ahold of you again."

"Really?"

"I bet you look like a little kid when you sleep. Wish I could see that."

"How much can you see?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. Not even shapes, not even changes in light settings."

Yet, he always seemed to know how to find me. "Axel... do you know how you became blind?"

The redhead peered into me with his sightless eyes, as though searching through my mind. The piercing gaze made my heart thump harder, as well as pleasantly twisted the nerves in my stomach. I swore moth's wings were caught in my throat, fluttering, sucking all the breath from my lungs. Axel's fingers ghosted along my shoulders, feather-light. He opened his mouth, as though to answer, when the door opened again. Immediately, we withdrew from each other, but in trying to hide our behavior, we only ended up looking more suspicious. Cloud took in our proximity and my red face, before cracking his neck and shutting the door.

"Nobodies and Heartless, everywhere. I managed to cut them down enough for the security system to handle. Let's hope the others are okay."

"The others!" I cried out. "Hollow Bastion is a stronghold for enemies. Maybe we should check on them?"

"Aren't I supposed to stay far away from Ansem's lab, or something like that?" Axel interrupted.

"I don't care about that!" Cloud's eyebrows shot up at the harshness in my voice. Maybe he had always thought me to be more of the following than the leading type. "Let's go, but if you do anything funny, Axel, I won't hesitate to stop you."

Axel brushed closer to me, his lips on my ear. He whispered, just low enough for Cloud not to hear, "The only unruly things I might do are things you wouldn't stop." Then, he pulled away, laughing. My fists tightened in both anger and anxiety as the three of us rushed out the door. At this point, I couldn't be sure if Axel was interested or just playing with me, and with yet another Heartless ambush, I didn't even have the time to process it all.

* * *

Author's Note: This chapter was a bit longer and had more to do with Axel than Sora. I hope you enjoyed reading the Roxas and Axel bit as much I did writing it. What's happening in Ansem's lab? How much does Axel know that he's just not telling? Will Axel and Sora ever get a long moment to themselves?

**Review**, please. Also, I'm seeking out a _beta-reader_. If anyone is interested or has suggestions, I'll love you for it!


	5. The Waterway

Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

* * *

Chapter Five

The air flowing in and out Hollow Bastion seemed murkier than back in town, as though the rusted iron walls absorbed any fragments of sun. Cloud led the way toward the castle, heading to the lab, while I carefully followed. With no other alternative, I'd taken ahold of Axel's wrist in order to guide him. When we reached the long, outdoor stairway that would take us to the lab's dilapidated entrance, I stopped, worried. "Watch out," I told Axel. "There are three flights of stairs."

He sighed. "I know how to make this a lot easier. Not to mention more comfortable." With no other warning, he pulled out of my grasp, only to lace his fingers in mine. Then, he stepped closer so that we stood shoulder to shoulder. "Much better. Let's go."

Cloud, who seemed oblivious to our interaction, had nearly reached the last flight. There was no time to argue with Axel. For now, we would have to travel like this. Not that I was too adverse to holding his hand. In fact, as we cautiously climbed the stairs, I couldn't help but notice how perfectly our palms fit with one another's. Like a snug pocket, Axel's large hand cocooned my smaller one. Even though he was the blind, his presence felt protective.

"Sora!" Cloud cried out. He had drawn his buster sword, his feet apart in a battle stance. I couldn't move much faster, with Axel stuck at a slow pace. By the time we'd reached the final flight, Cloud had already marched ahead in what I assumed to be combat.

Suddenly, Axel stopped dead in his tracks. His halt caught me off guard, and I came crashing backwards into his chest. He grabbed me around the waist, managing to keep us balanced. "Nobodies," he murmured. We stood still for a moment—me locked in worry and confusion, Axel in deep concentration. For some reason, he squeezed his arms tighter, bringing me closer to him. "Be careful," he added. "There's too many."

"What do you mean _too _many?" I turned my neck to face him. "You mean we can't kill them all? What about that attack you used last time."

He shook his head. "I can't pull a stunt like that one again any time soon. I don't have the energy right now. I haven't had what you could call sufficient rest." As suspected, Axel hadn't slept much during the night we spent on the gummi ship.

"Then what should we do? The others could be in trouble, and Cloud is waiting for us."

"We do what we have to." He trailed his hands up my abdomen, gliding them over my chest, where one paused. The other continued until Axel placed his fingertips beneath my chin. "We fight anyway, with all we've got."

"All right. C'mon!" This time, I took his hand without hesitation. We found our way to the top, where I was overcome by what I saw. Hundreds, maybe a thousand heartless and nobodies swarmed the platform before us. Cloud had joined Leon, Riku, and Yuffie, who all held their weapons. Aerith lay unconscious on a significantly thick piece of scrap metal. An ugly gash yawned open across her forearm. Upon closer inspection, I realized that Leon and Riku had their own collection of scrapes, while a wound on Yuffie's forehead leaked blood down to her nose and lips. From what I could see, the nobodies far outnumbered the heartless, but even so, the heartless outnumbered us about fifty to one.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Axel asked.

I nodded, but then remembered he couldn't see me. "Very bad."

Axel released my hand. Bringing his palms together, he shut his eyes. A quiet hum resonated from his hands, which quickly crescendoed into a loud sizzling noise. Gradually, the sizzling became a crackling, like the snapping of a bonfire. Then, just when I was beginning to wonder what might possibly happen, a flush of heat flew from Axel's joined palms. A white-hot sliver of light flared up, until it solidified into a long, sharp scythe, made only of controlled flames. When Axel reopened his eyes, sweat ran from his forehead to his jaw. "Time for some action," he said, holding the scythe ready.

I summoned the keyblade. "Let's go." We made our way to the center of the platform. My friends acknowledged us with brusque nods. Yuffie's eyes seemed distant, distracted, even though I could tell she was trying her best to concentrate. Her injury had not yet quit bleeding. We all stood back to back, in an almost star formation. Then, Riku yelled, "Now!" and we dashed forward, swiping our weapons, doing the best we could.

I must have killed two hundred, yet the enemies numbers weren't dwindling. Sweat drenched my undershirt, and my breath came rapidly. Sweeping my gaze across the bloody scene, I found Yuffie, collapsed beside Aerith—Leon must have placed her there. Leon himself was trapped against a wall, shooting his gunblade at what seemed like random. Riku had given up on his weapon and taken to shooting waves of dark magic. I couldn't find Axel, no matter how hard I looked. His red hair should have stood out against the muted colors of our enemies.

A strangled cry sounded behind me. When I turned, I saw Axel his scythe stabbed through the body of a white-robed sorcerer nobody—apparently the source of the shriek. His green eyes were fixed on the point where his weapon punctured the nobody's torso. "Stay on guard," he said before ripping his blade out. "Watch yourself, Roxas ."

"I'm not R—"

"I know," he said. "Sorry... Sora." Had he just apologized for calling me Roxas? He'd never done that before; still his voice had seemed sincere enough. The moment was instantly shattered, though, as more sorcerers glided toward us, ready to take revenge for their fallen comrade. Axel and I pressed our backs into each other's, for leverage. Just as we were about to strike, a huge shadow hovered over us. Even though Axel couldn't see it, he must have felt the chill the shadow brought, for he tensed up like a fist.

The shadow grew and grew, overtaking the entire platform. "What _is _this?" I breathed. Getting my wish, a gigantic nobody, an overgrown Twilight Thorn, came into view from high in the sky. As though in slow-motion, it lowered itself to the platform. The monster had long arms that nearly reached its feet, shoulders that pointed like thorns, and wisps of black floating around its neck and head. The mark of a nobody was tattooed into its face. Finally, it came crashing into the platform, crushing some of our enemies beneath its feet. The iron floor groaned beneath its weight. All the other nobodies and heartless gathered around it ceremoniously.

"Shit!" Riku yelled from behind the monster. If he thought the situation looked bad, I was struck almost numb as the Twilight Thorn started toward Axel and me. With each step, the iron cried out more in an almost-deafening squeal. The fear curled up inside me, filling my lungs and pumping into my veins. Not fear for this gargantuan enemy, but real, cold-blooded terror as a shriek louder than crashing cars erupted from beneath my feet. The iron suspension beams were snapping on one side of the platform; not on the far side, where Riku, Leon, Cloud, Yuffie, and Aerith stood safely, but on my side—mine and Axel's.

Axel, too, must have known what was to come, because he withdrew his weapon. Instead of protecting himself, he slipped his arms over my shoulders. "Grab on to me," he said, as he nestled his cheek into my hair. I grasped his waist, linking my fingers on the small of his back. "We will _not_ lose each other," he promised. "Got it memorized?" Sucking in a shaky breath, I believed him. I had nothing else to trust in but him. Otherwise, I could only rely on the fact that, within moments, I might really die, crushed beneath iron at the pit of who-knows-where.

The Twilight Thorn took one more step, but it was enough. The suspension beams gave way, and this part of the old, creaky Hollow Bastion came crumbling down for good. Above the ear-splitting noise, I heard Riku shout my name in panic. I didn't scream as my body plummeted; I only held my breath, shut my eyes, and buried my face in Axel's chest.

* * *

A steady drip woke me. My arms and head throbbed, the ache in my temples pulsating in time with my slow heartbeat. My legs were suspended in something wet, which I immediately worried was a pool of my own blood. Unable to adjust my eyes to the dark lighting, I ran my fingers down my thighs, over my knees, to my ankles, but other than a some nasty scratches, I didn't find anything worthy of concern. Next, I checked my abdomen and chest, then my arms. When I brought my fingertips to my face, I discovered a busted lip. Finally, I touched down on the nape of my neck. A sharp pain tore across my body, from the backs of my eyes throughout the length of my spine. I must have hit a rock in the fall.

Still, I was alive, which was a welcoming realization. Slowly, I pushed myself up with my hands, until I rested in a comfortable seated position. Curling up my knees, I pulled my legs out of the pool of whatever I'd fallen in. A high-pitched bell rang in my ears, circling my brain, but soon the echo of dripping water evened out my thoughts and calmed my mind. So it was with a clear head that I heard a distant rustling from not too far away.

At first, I assumed heartless or nobodies, or something that crawled on too many legs and lived in shallow water. However, my eyes had finally adjusted to the dim light—the source of which I had yet to locate. I could make out the shadowy shape of a slim body. Spikes protruded from the head, like spears. Then, the unknown light lit up the stranger's eyes, revealing a smoky green. Axel; so we'd managed to stay together.

"I'm over here, Axel," I said. The shadowed form crawled closer, and I could make out his features. He didn't stop moving until our arms touched. Satisfied by the contact that proved my presence, Axel relaxed.

"Where the hell are we?" he finally replied. A flame burst from his hand, so we could see better. I took in my surroundings. Labyrinthine passageways twisted around metal bars. Water leaked onto the floor from somewhere beyond the bars, and incandescent, bluish crystals clung to cracks in the ceiling. The crystals glowed dimly and must have been the source of the natural light in the damp dungeon.

"I've been here before," I remembered. "This is the waterway, beneath Hollow Bastion."

"How do we get out?"

I wrapped my arms around my legs. "I'm not sure. This castle has changed so much since the first time we came here. The way out might be buried under rubble or flooded."

Axel nodded, then began to swirl his free hand over the flame in the other. His movements quickened, until I could not longer see his hand, just a blur encircling the fire. Within a minute, the fire morphed into a ball of orange-red light, which he tossed casually into the air. The ball stayed afloat, a scarlet paper lantern held up by an invisible string. Since he no longer needed to tend to the flame, Axel brought his index finger to my injured lip. His own face was free of any wounds, except one shallow cut that trailed the length of his cheekbone.

"Does it hurt?" He gently dabbed at the clotting blood on my lip.

"No." I shook my head as I spoke, which sent a jagged pain from the gash in my neck up throughout my cranium. Axel felt my wince. Titling my face up toward his, he asked, "Where _does_ it hurt?'

"It's nothing to worry about."

"Let me see. I can smell the blood." Despite the chuckle that passed his lips, I could tell he was genuinely worried. Cupping his hand in mine, I guided him to the nape of my neck. He traced his fingers upward, following the curve of my spine, into my hair that was slick with blood. Even as I winced again, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising from Axel's careful examination. The pain of my injury and the pleasure from his touch intermixed, like heartache from unrequited love. Axel sucked in a troubled breath as he pulled away. Streaks of sanguine decorated his fingers. "Are you dizzy?" he asked.

"Not anymore." It was true; the ringing in my ears had long since subsided. Apart from the blood, I seemed to be in perfect shape. As though unsure, Axel reached for me again. This time, he softly massaged my shoulder. "I think I can stand," I added.

"Hmmm?" For some reason, he smiled. "Not yet. Let's sit for awhile." With sudden strength, he dragged me to him, pulling me into a crouch on my knees. I arched my back, worried I'd knock into his chin, but then, I relaxed. He locked his arms around my waist, bringing us even closer. My bent legs straddled his lap; my eyes fluttered shut against his neck. He smelled of burnt wood, like a smoky fireplace, and even though we were trapped in the damp waterway, this scent reminded me of warm blankets. I draped my arms around his shoulders and breathed slowly. In the quiet, his heartbeat thumped a comforting rhythm. He said, "I'm glad you're not dead, Sora," and my own heart jumped at the sound of my name. I wasn't Roxas. He wasn't embracing my other half. Right now, we were only Axel and Sora, no one else, nothing else.

Axel leaned back a little, so that our noses were level with each other's. Like this, we paused, as though waiting. The clouds in his blind eyes were heavy with hesitation. The water still dripped, but the sound seemed distant, unimportant when compared to Axel's even breathing. He rubbed his lips together—a tell-tale sign of what he wanted to do, yet he remained still. I knew I could kiss him first, but after the last time, I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to make the decision.

He tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear, then left his hand on the side of my face. Once again I was struck by how shy Axel turned out to be. "Sora?" His voice came out slightly hoarse.

"Yeah?" My own voice struggled to be anything but a whisper.

"Could I... maybe... Can I kiss you?" If I wasn't so drawn in by his words, his request might have knocked me over with shock. Had Axel just asked permission to kiss me? The hotheaded, stubborn, arrogant nobody couldn't kiss without consent. Yet, he'd let me kiss him before in the guest room, and I hadn't even asked. Then again, he'd been searching for a hint of Roxas in me, and my extra memories proved they'd kissed at least once previously.

Unsure of the reliability of my voice, I nodded, my nose brushing against the tip of Axel's so that he could feel my affirmation. Tentatively, he brought his lips to just above mine, where they lingered. My entire body seemed alive with longing. Then, just when I thought I might press my mouth to his, he closed the distance between us, sealing the moment with a soft, simple kiss. While I tasted his upper lip, he delicately explored my bottom lip, careful not to agitate the small wound there. I remembered the sweetness from my memory of him and Roxas—how he'd carried the flavor of sea-salt ice cream. Even now, he seemed to taste perfect, edible.

Axel stroked my back with his gloved hands, sending shivers from my spine to my abdomen, and lower. Impatient, I wanted to deepen the kiss. I sucked his lip lightly, begging for more. Axel pulled away, teasingly, before coming back to nip me. I breathed in sharply, which made him smile into the kiss. Finally, he parted his mouth; so I slid my tongue against his. A whole knew wave of ecstasy washed over me.

By this time, I had grown more and more aware of our joined hips. I was still straddling his lap. Instinctively, during our kiss, I'd pressed myself harder against him. Axel started to respond, cupping his hands around my hipbones and holding me closer. Before I could stop myself, a moan escaped my throat. Axel broke our kiss, startling me. As quick gasps emitted from his lips, he began fiddling with his hands. Suddenly, he slipped his bare hands underneath my shirt, fingertips trailing up my spine. He must have taken his gloves off. His skin left pleasurable burning sensations, earning a muffled groan from me. My response only urged him on. He brought his mouth to side of my face and began kissing the the crook of my ear and biting me a little harder than I would have expected. I clawed slightly at his shoulder blades, finding it hard to keep my moans at bay.

Then, as unexpectedly as the whole encounter came on, Axel turned his head away. We sat in silence, catching our breath, until my senses slowly returned to normal—my blood flowing quietly, my body relaxing. A part of me felt relieved that Axel had stopped. Everything seemed to be moving too fast. If he had continued, I didn't think I would have been able to stop him.

The dripping water became audible once again. Axel cleared his throat. "Maybe this isn't the place for something like this," he said. His fingers were trembling, making me wonder if he were as anxious as me to take things at a slower pace. "Can you help me find my gloves?" He let out a humble laugh. I found the gloves maybe three feet away from us. He must have cast them aside in excitement.

"Time to get going then?" I asked. The waterway seemed to be getting colder by the second—maybe night was falling outside. Small puffs of smoke escaped Axel's mouth with each of his exhales. I began to wonder if the crystals glowing on the ceiling were formed by packed ice.

After pulling on his gloves, Axel stood up. He dusted off his cloak then offered his hand. "I don't know where we'll go, but we sure as hell can't stay here forever." I took his hand, but the moment I was planted on two legs, an overwhelming haze gathered in front my eyes. The wound in my neck pounded, like a bomb flexing in my ears.

"Axel," I managed before collapsing against his chest. He called my name several times, but his words sounded choppy, as though he spoke through an electric fan. Without realizing it, I'd crumpled to all fours, my cheek pressed into gravel. Nausea bubbled up from my stomach. Vomit burst from my throat onto my tongue. I barely managed to spit it onto the ground. And far worse than the churning acid or the dizziness was the pain, spreading like cobwebs in my bloodstream.

"I knew you weren't okay." Axel's feeble voice knifed my heart with its concern. I felt him squeeze my hand. Then, like an eraser to paper, my mind went blank.

* * *

A/N: Axel and Sora are finally alone, but will Sora be all right? And still yet, why is Axel blind?

Please, let me know what you think of this chapter! Reviews, including critiques, are always welcome.


	6. In the Maze

Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

Thank you to Cherished Tenshi for beta-reading this chapter.

* * *

Chapter Six

When I opened my eyes, the nausea had disappeared. I touched the nape of my neck, but my wound too had miraculously closed up, not even leaving a scab in its wake. Once again, gloves adorned my hands, boots covered my feet. The black cloak of an Organization XIII member swaddled my body. I was on a white bed, in a white room, with a window that overlooked an ominous city. Reflected in the window glass, I found Roxas' face where mine should have been. The image neither shocked nor frightened me—by now I had grown used to experiencing my Nobody's memories.

Swinging my feet over the side of the bed, I wondered if I should stay put or wait. As I mulled over my options, my legs involuntarily straightened themselves out until I came to a standing position. No matter what I thought was the best course of action, Roxas' mind would be controlling all my movements. I languidly approached the door, my fingers wrapping themselves around the silver doorknob. Just as I was about to turn the knob, the door busted open. I barely had enough time to take a step back.

Axel stood in the doorframe, his green eyes wide. The clarity of his eyes struck me. Without his blindness, Axel seemed alert, wild. His emerald irises and fiery hair contrasted the white walls of The Castle that Never Was, bringing more attention to his best features. He cocked his head. "Where were _you_ running off to?" he asked.

I took another step back and shrugged. Crossing my arms, I realized Roxas was much more self-conscious in this memory than the previous one. Gone were the friendliness and flirtatiousness. He and Axel interacted awkwardly. One of Axel's hands glided nervously through his hair. My eyes watched the floorboards, only peeking up at him every five seconds or so. I guessed this memory had taken place sometime before the kiss I'd seen on top of the clock tower.

My voice came out hesitantly, but without a tremble. "I wanted to see if anyone was in the lounge."

"_Feel_ing lonely?" Axel laughed at his own joke, whereas I only shrugged. He cleared his throat, as though embarrassed by my dismal reaction, then shut the door behind him. "No one's out there," he explained, "except Larxene that is, and I don't feel like chatting with _that one_. Besides, we need to talk about last time." Without asking, he seated himself on the bed before patting the spot beside him. As I—Roxas—sat down, I couldn't help but wonder what 'last time' entailed.

Staring at my hands, I said, "I agree. To be honest, I was actually going to look for you."

The redhead smiled, pleasure visibly rippling through the expression. Then, the smile faded into a look of concern. His gaze travelled down the curve of my neck to my chest, where it lingered. Tentatively, he lifted a hand and placed it where my heart would have been if I had one. "Can I see it?" he asked.

Without question, I unzipped my cloak until my upper chest was completely exposed. A long, albeit thin slash cut across the left half of my chest, from my shoulder to my sternum. The wound had scabbed over. In all, it didn't appear very worrisome. Still, Axel bit his lip.

"You didn't have to do that, you know? A strike like that wouldn't have hurt me much. From now on, when we're on a mission, don't try to protect me from the Heartless." He traced the outline of the wound on my chest with his finger, leaving a tingling sensation. "After all, you're worth more than me," he added without spite. "You have the Keyblade."

"I acted first and thought later," I admitted.

"Exactly. You need to switch that around. Not that I'm the best at keeping myself level-headed either." Axel laughed and scooted a little closer, as though sharing a secret. "But don't give me any reason to worry about you, new guy."

"I know you have your own fair share of bruises," I countered teasingly. I pushed my hand against his chest, indicating a set of black-and-blue beneath his cloak. Axel grasped my hand before it could leave his body, surprising not only me, but maybe himself, given the anxious glimmer in his eyes. He rubbed circles into the back of my hand with his thumb. The small touch sent a vibration down my entire arm.

"I'm serious, Roxas. I don't consider you expendable."

"You mean, the _Organization_ doesn't consider me expendable."

He shook his head, then shyly averted his gaze. "No, that's not what I meant. If you disappeared..." I could tell Axel was trying say something important, but he struggled to find the right words. Myself as Roxas shifted slightly, as though the conversation were too heavy for my own meager frame. "What do you think..." Axel continued. "What do you think emotions feel like?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Have you ever wondered if we already have emotions? Maybe the Organization only thinks we can't feel because the Somebodies say we can't. Then, that would mean we're just grasping at straws, searching for something that's already inside of us. We just don't realize we have emotions because we're expecting them to feel extraordinarily different from what we've already got." He spoke fast and with vigor, as if once he started he couldn't stop himself.

I watched him closely. He had yet to release my hand, which he continued to stroke, like a metronome guiding the rhythm of his words. Even though my conscious mind was not Roxas', I could still feel an undercurrent of longing in my thoughts—a longing that had to belong to my Nobody. Whether or not this longing stemmed from a desire for emotions or for Axel, I couldn't discern. Nevertheless, my body leaned toward Axel's, my head tilting slightly to one side, as though mesmerized.

Axel met my eyes, and a pleasant shiver sliced through my abdomen. With his free hand, he stroked the side of my face. I became more aware that my cloak was still undone. "Roxas," he murmured, "do you think we could have emotions?"

"It would be nice."

He nodded slowly, taking in my response. Then, he inhaled quietly, yet deeply, before saying, "Can—Can I kiss you?"

A smirk lifted the side of my mouth. It crossed my mind that Roxas had been waiting for this opportunity throughout the entire conversation. Axel seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for a reply. Instead of telling him with words, I tipped forward, pressing my mouth against his. The kiss was quick, nearly childish, and when I pulled away, Axel still held his eyes wide open, as of disbelief. He held my hand tightly against his chest. Instead of feeling disheartened, I merely arched myself toward him again, shutting my eyes and breathing into a deeper embrace. Axel began to respond this time, kissing softly yet expertly. He let go of my hand and pressed his arms around my waist. A desire not unlike hunger sparked within me. Before I knew what I was doing, I knocked Axel against the wall, taking control of both the kiss and his body in one swift movement. As his fingers shook against me, a gasp of pleasure trembled in his throat. My tongue slipped past his lips into his mouth, searching out his own. Our hot tongues slid together slowly. I withdrew, to kiss his lips once more, but before I could dive back into his mouth, Axel turned his head, cutting me off from what I wanted most.

His breath came rapidly; pink tinged his cheeks. "Wait," he said, unable to look me in the eye.

Unsure of what to do or say, I carefully unhooked Axel's arms from my waist. When I moved to re-zip my cloak, he stopped me. Once again, he pressed his palm against the part of my chest where a heartbeat should have been. Instead of a dull thumping, there was only silence; yet, this quietude seemed to soothe Axel, whose labored breath returned to normal. "What are we doing?" he asked me.

"I'm not sure."

"It felt _good_. What does that mean?"

I covered his hand with my own, then gently pressed my forehead against his. "It means we shouldn't stop," I decided.

* * *

When I awoke, the first thing I recognized were the blue crystals hanging high above me. So I was still in the waterway beneath Hollow Bastion. Gravel stabbed past my hair and into the back of my head. The pointed rocks scratched against the wound in my neck, making me wince in pain. I turned my body, trying to relieve some of the pain, and came face-to-face with Axel's eyes. The crystals' light reflected off the nubious green, like midday sun on cresting waves.

"You're up," he said in a tense voice. He must have felt my movements. "I don't know how long it's been since you passed out. I carried you as far from where you threw up as I dared to; I didn't want to accidentally throw us off some unforeseen cliff." His last words carried some of Axel's sharp humor, which made me smile despite my pain.

"I had a dream," I said, but then wished I hadn't. I didn't particularly want to share the memory I'd encountered, nor was I sure that Axel would appreciate me knowing so much about his past with Roxas.

Axel ran his hand along my arm. "It's nice to hear another voice again. I thought I might go crazy trapped in here. That water drip—wherever it's coming from—is first on my list of things I want to destroy." He paused, considering my previous statement. "Was your dream another memory?"

"Maybe." I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to disclose the details. Jealousy, a viscous roil, stirred deep inside me. Roxas' apparent willingness to take whatever he wanted had been able to break down Axel's walls much faster than I thought I could manage. Even though the redhead and I had shared two kisses by now, we hadn't even reached the point they'd managed to cross in their first kiss. If only I could muster the courage to press Axel against walls, then maybe he would would look at me with the same longing he gifted Roxas.

Axel nodded, gravel scratching against his face. "You don't need to tell me what you saw. I have my own memories of Roxas, too. Those aren't about _you and me_."

Overcoming my timidity, I willed myself to be more like Roxas, to make a move. I managed to take Axel's hand into my own. In response, the Nobody dragged himself closer. At this new proximity, I could make out the curves of his collarbones that peeked out from beneath his cloak. He buried his nose in my hair, brushing a soft kiss on my forehead. Involuntarily, I relaxed. The pain in my neck dissipated a bit.

"It's cold," he said. "We need to seek shelter soon. I was worried you'd freeze in your sleep. My fire magic can't emit heat unless it catches on something, like wood. I don't think we'll find any kindling here, though." I closed my eyes, drawn in by the sound of his voice. "For the first time—after you passed out—I hated myself for never learning white magic," he continued. "Then, I could have done something for you."

"White magic!" I exclaimed, perking up, nearly knocking my forehead into Axel's chin. As an incantation formed in my head, a web of light expanded around my body, like a healing sphere. The spell cooled my burning wounds. Nevertheless, the strong magic weakened me. My limbs seemed hollow with exhaustion, but it would pass soon enough.

"What was that?" Axel asked. The Curaga spell had reached out to him as well, curing the cut on his face. "I just felt something like mint."

Mint? His description surprised me, but now that he mentioned it, white magic did faintly taste and smell like mint. "Curaga spell. I'm like new." I stretched my neck, just to be sure. Not even the slightest pressure or pain.

"Curaga? Impressive." Blushing, I cleared my throat, unsure of how to respond. I could shrug to maintain some casual coolness or say a formal thank you. Before I could decide, Axel added, "But your black magic, especially fire-wise, could use some work."

I pushed his chest lightly. "Your attitude could use some work." He snatched my hand before I could pull away. I tried to wrestle out of his grasp, but he held on strongly, a playful smile on his lips. I laughed and grabbed his other hand, doing my best to overpower him. Magic aside, Axel seemed stronger than me with respect to brute force. He shoved me onto my back. My arms bent upward at the elbows; my hands were laced in his fingers. His knees caught my hips between them. In this compromising position, we froze. Our play-fighting had taken a sudden turn from innocent to suggestive. We watched each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. Neither of us seemed able to overcome our shyness. I cursed myself—so much for being more like Roxas.

Unwinding our fingers, Axel managed to stand up without knocking into me. He brushed down his cloak, relieving small clouds of dust. Then, he reached out to help me up. "We really can't stay here forever," he said. "Let's see if we can find a way out."

After Axel reignited his fire-light, we headed off in no particular direction, hoping we'd chosen the correct path. Over the years, the waterways had flooded up to our waist in the worst parts. Usually, we were lucky to find water as shallow as our ankles. Loose pipes hung from the ceiling, from which I needed to steer Axel clear. The Nobody had draped his fingers around the crook of my elbow. I tried my best to warn him of fallen debris, but occasionally he would trip, catching himself on my shoulder just in time. Worry etched itself into his features, especially in his furrowed brow. The first dead end we encountered—a blown out wall, rocks and metal piled from floor to ceiling—made us turn our heels and backtrack for what felt like an hour. Then, we were met with a second. At one corner of the maze, we found a caved in ceiling. The rusted pipes stuck out with dangerously sharp ends, so I warned Axel before investigating the scene. He stayed behind, concentrating on maintaining the fire. When I glanced back at him, I saw that ice crystals clung to his hair. The puffs of vapor that escaped his mouth with each breath veiled his face. An image of a corpse crossed my mind, but I shook it away. We wouldn't die here; I would make sure of it.

Gazing up through the hole in the ceiling, I recognized the faint flicker of stars. My heart nearly burst with excitement. "I might have found an escape route," I told him. In response, the Nobody only made a small sound in his throat. Another glance in his direction revealed his state of being. Shivers wracked his body, as though some cold electric current assaulted him. "Axel?" I said, unable to keep the worry from saturating my voice.

Having heard my concern, he ceased shaking. "I'm fine. Just check out that lead." Despite his assurances, I could see the muscle in his jaw twitch. He must be clenching his teeth in order to maintain a sense of control. Even though I was certainly feeling the chill, I had grown more accustomed to cold weather since spending time in the snowy mountains of the Land of Dragons and underneath the sometimes frigid waters of Atlantica. Axel's internal flame seemed to be dying in the damp, crystalline waterway.

I began scaling the pipes, careful to test each one's strength. The last thing I needed was to put my full weight on a corroded piece of metal and sustain another injury. By the time I reached the hole in the ceiling, my hands were covered in rusty flakes. With all my strength, I grasped the ceiling and pulled myself through.

The first noticeable change was the warmth. Even though I had little idea as to where I had taken myself, I most certainly appreciated the change in temperature. Without Axel's light, it took a while to adjust to the darkness. After a few moments, I realized that the stars I'd seen were actually blinking behind windows. The windows towered above a long staircase that winded around a room lined with bookshelves. Volumes crammed the shelves, leaving little space for the occasional trinket—a globe or a statuette. So I'd found my way into the library.

"Axel!" I shouted down the hole. "I climbed some pipes through a hole in the ceiling that opens up into the castle library. It's way warmer up here. We're saved." I laughed joyously, feeling a little silly but unable to stop my own happiness from bubbling over.

When the Nobody made no reply, I peered through the hole to check on him. He stood solemnly, one hand cradling the fire-light, the other on his hip. "How do you propose I get up there, Sora?" he said, his tone deceptively neutral. "Climbing pipes isn't exactly a blind man's speciality."

I grimaced, immediately regretting my laughter. Swinging my legs over the edge of the whole, I lowered myself back onto the pipes, which I descended with more confidence than before. "We'll find a way. There's gotta be a way." With only a foot or two beneath me, I jumped down, landing with a splash. The decrease in temperature slapped me in the face like a Blizzaga spell. "I don't know any magic for levitation, though," I admitted. "Except—"

Axel perked up. "That's it! Zero Graviga, but... I've only used it on enemies before, not on myself. It could be potentially damaging, but we don't really have a choice."

"Zero Graviga?" Axel hadn't been kidding when he said that he knew his black magic; I'd never even heard of that spell. "Well whatever it is, I'm sure it's better than me hitting you with an Aero spell."

"I'm not sure if I can aim for the hole, though." He pondered the predicament for a moment. Then, the flame in his hand brightened as though signifying a breakthrough in his thoughts. "How about you go back to the other side? Take the fire-light with you—don't worry, just set it to float in the air next to you. I'll use Zero Graviga to shoot myself upward, but it's up to you to catch me. I'll stretch out my arm, but you have to grab my hand." Suddenly, a crooked grin broke out on his face. "Do you think you're strong enough to carry me?"

"I'm a lot stronger than you think."

"Well, I'll just have to pray that your strength holds up to your claims." He chuckled and handed me the fire-light. I could tell that he truly believed in me. The tension was gone from his features, replaced by his normal cockiness. I masked my nerves beneath a firm nod—that Axel couldn't see anyway.

Following his orders, I made my way back up the pipes. Once I reached the library, I released the fire-light, which hovered beside my face, providing just enough light to see the tips of Axel's hair. The Nobody counted to three, then shouted out the spell's name. The speed of his flight caught me by surprise, but my reflexes kicked in. My arm shot out just in time, catching Axel's extended fingers. I clasped his hand so tightly that I feared I might break his bones. He weighed more than I'd expected, probably because of his height. With both hands, I dragged him through the hole. I noticed the pained expression on his face and wondered how much damage his spell had inflicted on his body. The moment his knees touched the floor, he collapsed, on top of me.

"Axel?" The Nobody remained dormant. His eyes were shut tightly, his eyebrows stitched together. "Axel, are you okay?" Panic swarmed my stomach like a clusters of frightened bees.

The Nobody tried to pull himself up and off me, but his arms gave out beneath him, and he fell against my chest once more. "I just—I'll be okay—Give me... a minute to... stop hurting."

Forget a minute; I didn't give him another breath. "Cura," I murmured, knowing full well that I didn't have the power in me for another Curaga. After this spell, I doubted I had anything left over for even a simple Cure. Until I had the time to rest properly, Axel and I would have to avoid any more wounds.

"Thanks," he muttered, still a little breathless. Instead of trying to pick himself up, he rolled over to one side. I kneeled over him, my head tilted toward his. "That hurt more than I expected it to. Not that I haven't been through worse."

His words struck a chord in me as I recalled his death. Without being able to stop myself, I asked, "What does it feel like to die?"

His eyebrows shot up. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just... wondering, I guess."

He gently took hold of my elbow. "My death was different from what yours will be like, Sora. I'm sure you know that already." I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Luckily, he continued, "If I tell you, you can't go mouthing off to Riku about it. He'd probably find a way to say that the whole experience is proof that I should be shot dead again."

I had to stifle a laugh. Axel seemed pretty spot on about Riku's ability to warp logic. "I won't say anything," I said and stroked his hand as though to seal the promise.

Axel nodded slowly. Behind the clouds of his eyes, I swore I could see him remembering. "At first, it was nothing. You know when you fall asleep and then wake up without having a dream? You can feel that time has passed even though you have no memory of it. That's what is like in the beginning. One moment, I was with you; the next, I was somewhere else. There was only darkness, but not this kind." He waved his free hand in front of his blind eyes. "There were shades of blue and purple. And there was something else, too. Every so often, a memory would crop up, like a projector playing on a screen, but I know there wasn't a screen, and I know I was still encased in darkness. Something there—in that place—was making me remember all my most painful moments. As a Nobody, I shouldn't have painful moments, but for some reason, I was living through all my disappointment, fury, disgust, except stronger than ever before. My chest _hurt_, like I imagine a heart would. But the moment the screen dissolved, the pain would dissipate. I'd be my normal self again.

"What's more is that the screen would show me my hopes for the future. I would see images of finding a heart. I'd see... Roxas. Those pictures were the worst, because they made me feel something I could never imagine. Even now, I can't conjure up the feeling—I can't try to feel any of what I felt there again—but that pain was unbearable. In those moments, I knew more than anything that I wished to be alive." Axel stopped speaking. His deadened eyes watched the ceiling. I wondered if he was seeing something else—one of those images.

"Regret," I said finally. "The emotion you're talking about; it sounds like regret to me." Saying the word aloud brought about a flurry of my own recollections. I remembered being unable to pull Riku back from behind the Door to Darkness after the battle with Ansem. Riku facing me as Ansem in The Castle That Never Was. A memory of Axel lying on a kaleidoscopic floor, mumbling his last words to me.

"After the blindness, the screen disappeared and with it the emotions." His eyelashes fluttered to a close, as though shutting away the memory of his death place.

For the second time, I asked, "How did you go blind?"

Suddenly, the Nobody sat up, resting himself on his elbows. I had to jerk away in order to keep us from knocking into each other. His stance seemed defensive, almost aggressive. "I think that's enough story-telling for now, don't you?" He pulled his legs in, then lifted himself into a standing position. The defensiveness disappeared, replaced by his usual casual facade. "That spell sure did a good job. All the aches and pains have gone away."

I stayed seated, watching him closely, trying to absorb all the information he'd just given me. I wanted to ask him more questions. The more we spoke, the closer I seemed to come to understanding him, but at the same time, he grew to be more of a stranger. The idea that Axel had hopes for the future had hit me hardest. Of course he wanted a heart, but what had he said about Roxas? More than anything, I wished to see the projections that death had shown him. Also, I couldn't help but wonder if Axel still held any of those old hopes, especially those with Roxas, and if any new hopes had been slowly forming in his mind since we came across each other in the The World That Never Was.

* * *

Author's Note: I apologize for the length of time it took to get this chapter to everyone. I fell ill over the last two weeks and hadn't been feeling well enough to write. Don't worry, though. I will continue this story to the end.

All reviews, including critiques/desires/suggestions, are welcome and appreciated.


	7. The Abandoned Library

_Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes_

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

The sky behind the library window began to lighten with glowing tints of pale yellow and periwinkle. A few fading stars trembled in the early morning sky. Axel and I stood soundlessly beside the bookshelves, unsure of our next move. I watched the coming dawn, captivated by the color. For too long, we had spent our time down in the dark, damp waterway. This promise of a new day—a promise that included sunshine and warmth—rejuvenated me. A fog lifted from my mind as I recalled the events of the previous day: the memory of Roxas and Axel kissing for the first time; my life nearly extinguished as I plummeted from the battle at Hollow Bastion; my own kiss with the Nobody; Axel's story of a strange, projector-like afterlife. Even as the puzzle pieces started fitting together, questions, both new and old, crowded my thoughts. I needed answers, and a library was a good place to begin my search.

"Do you think there could be a book in here about the afterlife?" I asked Axel.

He turned to me, rather quickly, either excited by the idea or upset that I had proposed it. "Why do you want to find a book like that?" His voice carried a sharpened edge; so then, he was upset. "It's not like my afterlife would be written in anything here. No one seems to know anything about Nobodies."

"Still," I countered, "you never know what we could find. There could be some sort of clue as to how you got out of that place."

Roughly placing a gloved hand on my shoulder, his cloudy, unblinking eyes bore into my face. "I don't think I trust a rusted castle library to explain my afterlife." His defensiveness shocked me, since it was both sudden and strong. I wracked my brain, hoping to uncover a reason—a memory—for Axel's behavior. My stash of Roxas's recollections didn't seem to include anything, and my own came up short as well. Instead of finding an answer, Cloud's words from before lit up like a neon light: "If we took the time to step back and watch, I think we could figure out this Nobody business just by keeping quiet, keeping our eyes open." I stared into Axel's cold eyes, just trying to pay attention to what he might be feeling.

Axel had been trapped in his afterlife, unable to escape from an onslaught of old memories, previous hopes, and new emotions. Somehow, he had managed to find a way out. Perhaps he wanted to bury that experience in the past and not return. I knew if I had been tortured in some sort of theater purgatory, I would want to avoid even the mere thought of that place. Still, avoidance couldn't explain why the Nobodies and Heartless relentlessly chased him wherever he appeared. Even more, avoidance would never reveal the reason behind Axel's blindness.

Instead of begging him to help me understand, I said, "If we don't find answers, then Riku will never let you go. That's motive enough to search for more information, and if we happen to come across something bad, then at least we'll be the first to know and can conceal the truth from Riku."

"Conceal the truth? Isn't Riku your friend?"

I blushed, hoping he would mistake the rosy hue for a reflection of the sunrise, before remembering he couldn't see it at all. "He is, but..."

"Maybe you find something in me worthwhile?" He slid his hand down my arm, massaging circles along the way. As he leaned in closer to me, I thought for sure he would kiss me, but he stopped short, pulling me into his chest instead and gracing my forehead with a gentle kiss. Without realizing, I hooking my fingers around his waist. The leather of his cloak felt good against my cheek. "If finding some answers will calm you down a bit, then I acquiesce." His fiery defense from before settled into a cool composure. A part of me didn't want him to let go. Forget looking for information on afterlife; I'd rather have stayed like that for an hour or two.

But we parted without a word. Axel began half-heartedly running his knuckles along the bookbindings. His eyes faced the window, even though I knew he couldn't see the coming dawn.

"Just give me a few minutes to search," I said, asking for permission more than stating a fact.

"Do you even know how it's all organized?"

"Well, no," I admitted, "but I do know where the Ansem reports were kept, so I figure everything about darkness, Heartless, and maybe even Nobodies would be in that section."

He nodded. "Go on then. I'll stay here."

"Axel..."

His green eyes flashed in my direction. By now, the first of the sun's rays were piercing the window, lighting Axel's eyes up. The glowing green sapped away my breath. "Just go, Sora," he said firmly. "I'm not of much help in a library."

I wanted to argue more, but he closed his eyes, indicating the end of our conversation. I took a few hesitant steps backward, before heading in the direction of the reports. Before I turning a corner, I made one last glance toward Axel. He was leaning against a shelf, arms crossed, brows knitted in concentration. If I found a book on his afterlife, would he be angry? Maybe, but the part of me that needed to know—that wanted to help him—had taken over me.

Shaking off my concern, I rounded the corner and came to a bookshelf lined with white tomes. No titles were etched into the bindings, but I knew they were Ansem's written records of his laboratory work. Most of them included illegible notes—the most important information was locked away in his computer after all—but the first time I came here, three years ago, I'd found more than a few of his more diary-like reports on this same shelf. Skipping over the blank volumes, I crouched down to a few mismatched books with faded titles: _On the Human Heart_, _An Exploration of Consciousness_, _Dark V. Light_, _Negative Auras & Energies_. My hand halted over a thick, faded orange binding that read, _A Life After_.

When I cracked the book open, a cloud of dust burst into my face, making me sneeze twice. Once it cleared, I flipped through the pages. Disappointment crowded my vision. The afterlife the title had referred to wasn't the type I was searching for, but only a description of life after some sort of spiritual enlightenment. As I replaced the book on the shelf, another caught my eye.

_The Soul_. The little black book was so slim it was no wonder I hadn't noticed it before. I'd probably mistaken it for a shadow. The pages crinkled like rice paper between my fingers, and the print was handwritten in delicate cursive. I had to squint to make out the font. Scanning the first few chapters, nothing in particular caught my eye. Just before I shut the book, however, I came upon the sixth chapter, entitled, "A Soul's Journey." The chapter concentrated on the idea of an afterlife to which the soul traveled after death. Strangely, the unnamed author was trying to prove that the afterlife was a living being—an entity made up of the souls of the dead, constantly growing, constantly changing shape. The last line of the chapter stood out among: "If a soul enters into the afterlife, one must wonder if it could exit. If the soul left, how would the other incarcerated souls react? Would they jealously try to retrieve those who escaped?"

The book mostly went over my head. The idea of an afterlife seemed too vague and insubstantial to me. When a person died, their hearts departed for Kingdom Hearts. That was as much as I knew. Even more, I wasn't sure how much of _The Soul _could even be applied to Axel, since Nobodies were supposed to be heart- and soulless. Then again, Axel had entered some sort of realm after his death, which meant a Nobody's existence was much more complicated than we had thought. Mysteries were shrouded by mystery—all because hearts could be robbed and bodies cast into darkness. Matters of the heart were never simple.

I shut the book with a sigh. My head was swimming with too much information. Even though I wanted to shove the book back into the shelf and just move on, an urge to keep it wormed its way into my gut. I stuffed it into one of my large zippered pockets, before standing and brushing myself off.

Somehow, I'd lost track of time. Who knew how long Axel had been waiting for me? I doubted I would find anything more in the library; so I headed back to the window. Axel wasn't where I'd left him. Instead he'd made his way over to the window. His hand was pressed against the glass, and although I knew he couldn't see it, his eyes were perfectly in line with the sun.

Even though I stepped lightly, Axel heard me approaching. "Took you long enough," he said. "You find anything good?"

"I'm not sure. What were you doing?"

He shrugged. "Just imagining... what could be outside this window. This _is _a window right."

"Yeah. There's just the sky and some broken down balcony."

"Well," he said, thumping his knuckles against the glass, "that's pretty boring. I was hoping we could break it, and get out of here."

"We could still try it. Who knows what we might find out there? I don't have any magic left, though, but I guess I could use my Keyblade, or—"

Axel shoved his fist into the window, shattering the glass on impact. In fear, I ducked immediately, covering my eyes with my hands. No glass touched me though, nothing sharp against my cheeks. Not even a few crystals on my clothes. My breath came in ragged gasps, at which Axel began to laugh.

"It was just a window, Sora." His laughter was deep, almost mocking. It held the tone of an Organization member, and for a moment, as I peered at Axel's darkened silhouette, I remembered him as Number VIII—the man who had fought me relentlessly in Castle Oblivion, had cold-heartedly killed Vexen in front of me, had kidnapped Kairi but then saved my life. Axel concealed so much of himself from me. His actions, his thoughts were always puzzling. That laugh of his, somewhere between mockery and amusement, crept into my chest. My heart simultaneously beat faster and shuddered, and I realized that as much as I was attracted to the goodness in Axel, I also found his darkness as equally irresistible.

"C'mon," he said, taking a few blind steps toward me. The glass crunched beneath his feet, but he didn't seem to mind. Instead, he reached his palm in my direction. His green irises stared eerily just above my head. As he neared me, his face came more into focus. A drop of blood trailed down his cheek, from his left eye.

I crossed the distance between us immediately. "You're bleeding!" His eyebrows knitted in confusion as he wiped at his face, smearing the blood across his cheekbone. Now that we were closer, I could see the slash, thin as a paper cut, across the white of his eye. Tiny veins cropped up around it, like red spiderwebs. Without thinking I tilted his chin to the side, so I could get a better look.

"It doesn't hurt," he said.

"You can't feel that? Your eye is cut! You idiot... breaking glass for fun, and I don't have enough magic left for this, and—"

Axel grasped my hand that was still holding his chin. He caressed my palm before pulling my hand away. Fighting the urge to touch his face again, I let it fall to my side. "Sora, relax." His voice was even, calm. "I can't feel it. I can't feel anything in my eyes."

"Nothing?"

"Not even the wind."

_How did you go blind? _I wanted more than anything for him to answer that question, but before I could work up the courage to ask again, he turned away, back to the broken window. Jagged pieces of glass stuck out from the frame—knives waiting to slice us.

"Let's go then," he said. "The sooner you get us out of here, the sooner you can put some first-aid on this eye of mine." Chuckling to himself, he waited patiently for me to guide him through the window frame.

"No more pranks like that, okay? Got it memorized?"

He smiled when I used his catchphrase, but instead of making a sarcastic reply, he tapped his temple with his index finger. "You got it."

Slipping through the window frame was easy enough. Sizing up the area outside, I found a long rusted pipe leading to some broken slabs of brick. The wrecked construction looped down into what looked like the Restoration Site behind the town.

"There's a way out. It's a little complicated, but we can manage."

"Good. I'm tired of this place. Time to go."

Taking his hand in mine, I lead him to the pipes. Then, realizing just how steep the descent was, a wave of anxiety rushed through me. Not only would I need to keep my balance, but I would be responsible for Axel, too. For extra safety, I released his hand and grabbed his waist instead. Axel smirked and laced his fingers in my own on his hip. The light pressure eased my nerves a bit. Strange how holding each other so close had become the norm for us. Maybe nearly dying with someone could do that—knock all our differences aside. After our fall into the depths of Hollow Bastion, Axel was no longer a stranger, but a source of comfort. A friend, or more.

* * *

When Leon's place came into view, a rush of relief filled my tired limbs. Food, water, shelter—these basic necessities were within grasp. Even though it was still mid-afternoon, what I wanted more than anything was to slip into a warm bed and sleep away the past day's hardship.

I squeezed Axel's hand.

"We're here?" he said.

"Yeah, just about."

"You sound like a kid who just got a new toy," he teased, but he, too, was gripping my knuckles tightly, unable to contain his excitement.

Once I reached the door, I let go of his hand, not wanting to cause a stir from the people inside. Just before my fist knocked on the door, a wave of panic hit me: What if no one was home? What if they had all died in that battle? When we'd been separated, both Yuffie and Aerith were bleeding and unconscious, while Riku, Leon, and Cloud had been losing strength fast. Hopefully, when the platform had collapsed, most of the Heartless and Nobodies had plummeted to their death as well.

"Is something wrong?" Axel's question brought me back to reality. He couldn't see me, standing in front of the door, my fist frozen in the air. He only knew that we weren't moving. For a moment, I wondered what it must be like to be him right now, to see absolutely nothing. Most likely, he'd never so much as glimpsed my friends' faces before. They were all floating voices. Radiant Garden, Hollow Bastion, my gummi ship—in these familiar places Axel was no more than a lab rat trapped in a maze with the lights off. He was depending on me—the only one who could navigate all these strange worlds with him, the only person among all these strangers that he recognized.

"No, I just got distracted." I knocked briskly, with much more vigor than I felt inside, and waited.

As the door opened slowly, a pair of wide, dark brown eyes revealed themselves from inside the house. "Sora!" Yuffie cried out, jumping from the door and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Sora, you're alive!"

Immediately, a rush of footsteps filled my ears as all my friends hurried to the door.

"Thank goodness."

"You had us worried there."

"I told you he'd make it!"

"What took you so long?"

"What happened to you down there?" Riku stood slightly off from the hovering gang, but his aqua eyes rested solely on me. The intensity in those eyes spoke his concern for him. More than any of my other friends, the fear that I'd died seemed to have consumed him the most.

"Why don't you come inside?" Aerith added, ushering me into the house. Axel followed but made sure to stay at least a few steps behind us all. While I settled down into a chair at the table, he shut the door quietly and took his familiar stance against a dresser by the far wall.

Relating what had passed in the waterway was easy enough, after omitting all the personal details. I didn't see any reason to tell everyone about our kiss or our handholds—even if those were the moments that stood out most in my mind—and I'd promised Axel that I wouldn't present my findings in the Hollow Bastion library.

"What about you guys?" I asked once I finished. "How did you get out from that ambush?"

Leon stepped forward. "The balcony's collapse didn't take just you and Axel with it, but a lot of the enemies. Then, after you fell, many of the Heartless and Nobodies lost interest and just vanished, gone back to where they came from. It might be because of him." He tossed a casual glare in Axel's direction. The Nobody seemed not to care, but I noticed a slight tightening in his grip on his crossed arms.

"You don't know that for sure," I countered protectively, even though I had my own suspicions that the Heartless and Nobodies were following Axel around.

Riku cast a wary glance my way. "No, we don't, but it seems to be the only logical conclusion, especially given what happened in The World That Never Was. You can't deny that there is a connection between these massive outbreaks and that Nobody—"

"Which reminds me!" Cid cut in, chewing on a toothpick. "After them Heartless and Nobodies took off, we managed to get into Ansem's Lab. We did a few searches and didn't come up with much, but—"

"But then _I _had a great idea!" Bouncing from one foot to the other, Yuffie clearly couldn't contain her pride. "I was tired of entering all this afterlife nonsense, because after all Ansem and his apprentices never really researched that. Instead, I told them to look up Worlds and Souls. Guess what we found?"

"What?"

"Traverse Town," Cloud's low, solemn tone filled the room.

From the periphery of my vision, I glimpsed Axel. As though sensing me, he opened his empty eyes but gazed at nothing in particular. I took it as a sign that he was listening and turned back to Cloud. "But Traverse Town never had a strong connection with the Nobodies."

"Maybe not." This time, it was Leon who spoke. "But people did travel from destroyed worlds to Traverse Town in seemingly impossible ways. There's an expert there, a man who was studying up on this sort of metaphysical travel—collecting data and putting together interviews. I only spoke to him once or twice, because he was very private. I believe his name was Nooj. The last time I saw him, he was holing up in the Hotel in the Second District."

"So you should go as soon as possible!" Yuffie exclaimed. Her high-pitched voice seemed a little jarring, whipping up my nerves before my entire body sagged into the chair, exhausted.

Always the observant one, Aerith said: "Let him get a little sleep first. We can talk over departure plans tomorrow. For now, I think Sora needs some rest and relaxation." Yuffie apologized, to which I made a simple nod, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't help but notice how even Aerith had excluded Axel from her speech.

"There are a few extra beds in the back," Riku informed me. He'd been mostly silent up until now, but once again his true concern showed in the expression on his face. Coming to my side, he gently took one of my arms in his hand. Even though I didn't need it, I let him help me toward a door in a corner of the room, but before we went through, I stopped.

"Axel," I called out, making Riku flinch a bit. "What are you waiting for? Let's get some shut-eye."

The Nobody smirked and headed toward us, trailing his fingers along the surfaces of tables and chairs to find his way. Riku looked him up and down grudgingly but thankfully didn't argue.

Through the door was a small room lined with several beds. Riku led me to one, then announced a swift departure—"I need to look up some things on the computer, and I promised Leon that I would help him survey the Restoration Site this evening." He seemed to want to say more, but a lingering gaze toward Axel revealed the true motive behind is quick retreat. Sinking into the bed, I sighed, wishing that somehow Riku and Axel could get along. Since Axel's appearance, my conversations with Riku had been more than a little strained. As I pulled a blanket over my aching body, a sense of missing him overwhelmed me.

From a bed across the room, Axel watched me, or at least I thought he was watching me, since his gaze was a few inches off. While I bunched the blanket over my shoulders, he leaned back casually on his palms, his boot crossed at the ankles on the floor. I realized how often I stared at Axel, observing him, drinking in each of his features, if only because he couldn't catch me. Finally, I asked, "What's up?"

Hearing my voice, he adjusted his gaze accordingly. Even from this distance, I could see that the cut on his eye was healing quickly. He blinked rapidly a few times, before raising his eyebrows in sudden amusement. "Want to sleep together?" he asked casually.

I nearly jumped out of my skin but managed to stay under the covers. "When everyone comes back, they'll see us!"

Axel laughed at the clear fright in my voice. "I was joking, Sora." But even as he said this, he approached my bedside.

"What is it?" The distant stare of his eyes gave me pleasant shivers.

"Well, you wouldn't mind if I sat here for a moment, would you?" Instead of waiting for an answer, he seated himself by my hips. Feeling awkward, I sat up, so that our faces were almost level. "You want me to sleep with you?" he asked coyly. To my embarrassment, a flush rapidly took to my face, and my inability to reply was answer enough. "I see," he said.

Without another word, he leaned forward and softly pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was quick—almost frustratingly so—but then Axel lifted the tips of his fingers to my chin and kissed me again before I could complain. The simple embrace left me breathless. When he pulled away once more, I slipped my hand in his, and he tightened his fingers around mine.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Just a good night kiss." And with that, he stood and made his way to the adjacent bed. I watched him as he lay down. His eyelashes fluttered to a close over his sea-green eyes, but even as he remained silent, he couldn't hide the small smile painted on his lips.

* * *

A/N: I deeply apologize for the amount of time it took to get this chapter out. I was finishing up my last semester before graduation and adjusting to a new job. It won't happen again, I promise. I'll see this story to the end. In fact, I already have an outline. Moving on, this chapter was more prep for future encounters than full-blown romance. Don't worry. Next chapter will more than make up for it!


	8. Two Nights

_Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes_

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Somehow, I managed to slip into a dreamless sleep. When I awoke, night pressed into me from all sides. A small circular window revealed a crescent moon. Its white light illuminated the room, revealing the sleeping bodies of Yuffie, Leon, Aerith, and Axel. I wondered vaguely where Cid and Riku were, and if Merlin was still needed at the local hospital, even overnight.

Sitting up, a wave of dizziness washed over my suddenly burning body, and with it came an outbreak of cool sweat. I shut my eyes until the buzzing lifted from my vision, but my limbs still felt simultaneously hot and cold. Perhaps I was finally catching ill from the time spent in the freezing waterway. Either way, the stuffy bedroom wasn't helping my condition at all; so with a firm decision to get breath of fresh air, I swung my legs over the side of my bed and onto the floor. Taking muffled steps, I passed by Axel. The Nobody seemed fast asleep, his eyelids fixed shut and his mouth slightly open. In the shadows, his white skin took on an even paler hue, and his red hair faded to a dark crimson. Lying there, he looked picturesque, almost too much so, like a porcelain doll, or a frozen corpse. Whenever Axel was awake, his body moved tirelessly; his hands waved with emotion, his head tilting, his smile always crooking. But while he slept, he remained immobile, inert. The memory of his life fading in my arms replayed in my mind. Suddenly, I recalled the words from the book I'd stolen from Ansem's Library: "If a soul enters into the afterlife, one must wonder if it could exit. If the soul left, how would the other incarcerated souls react? Would they jealously try to retrieve those who escaped?"

In the dark, I couldn't make out the rise and fall of Axel's chest. While I could hear small exhales from my friends around me, no air seemed to leave Axel's lungs. Involuntarily, my hand reached out to his cheek. To my relief, his skin was soft and warm and very much alive. Trailing my fingers down his neck to his chest, I could feel him taking the small breaths I couldn't see. Knowing that he was alive, Axel's image changed from silent as death to beautiful. The urge to kiss his parted lips rose inside me. Kneeling to the floor, I tilted my head toward him. At this proximity, I could make out each of his individual eyelashes, so long and fragile—hiding the cloudy greens of his irises. I brought my lips closer to his. His breath touched me, warm and inviting. Our noses brushed against each other, but just before I could leave a small kiss, he stirred. I rocked backward, surprised. Axel didn't wake but only moved onto his back. Still, afraid that another attempt might wake him, I lost my resolve and quickly retreated into the front room.

Merlin lay fast asleep on the single bed in the front room, his glasses and hat resting on the nightstand beside him. At the computer, I found Cid passed out on the keyboard, Radiant Garden's security mainframe on the screen. I wondered how often he slept like this, keeping a vigilant watch on the town until he couldn't stay awake any longer.

Still feeling slightly feverish, I made my way out the door. A thousand stars crowded around the smiling moon. The fresh wind cooled my skin; my temperature fell rapidly. Leaning against the side of the house, I seated myself on the concrete that was still warm from the evening sun. Feeling relaxed, I pulled out _The Soul_, which was still in my front pants' pocket. In the dark, I couldn't make out the script; yet the words written in that little black weighed down my hand. What if the Heartless and Nobodies were trying to ensnare Axel? Could they really steal him back, lock him away once more in his projector afterlife? Replacing the book in my pocket, I rested my heavy head on my knees.

"You can't sleep either?" a familiar voice called out. Glancing up quickly, I recognized Riku in the darkness. His aqua eyes glowed brightly in the dim light—a night beacon. He took a seat beside me and offered a comforting smile.

"I woke up and felt kind of sick, so I thought I'd get some air."

Not missing a beat, he placed a cool hand against my forehead. "You _are _a little warm." After taking his hand away, he chucked softly. "Here you are, safe and sound, but you could have died the other day. I should have protected you."

"It was a freak accident. There was nothing you could've done."

He shook his head, his bangs skipping across his eyes. "_I _should have been the one you fell with, not _him_."

"Axel helped me out a lot down there," I said gently. "He's not what you think."

"You don't know what his real motives are."

"I don't think he has any motives, Riku. I think he's just as confused as we are."

"You trust too easily!" The edge in his voice, sharp and cutting, caught me by surprise. Unintentionally, I shied away from him on the concrete, but Riku grasped my arm, bringing me even closer to him than before. "Sora, I know better than you what happens when you trust too much in the wrong people. Axel has never given us any reason to trust him—from attacking us in Castle Oblivion to kidnapping Kairi. Just being part of the Organization is enough!"

"Roxas was a part of the Organization."

"And he was untrustworthy, too. You never met him before his time in Twilight Town. He was as self-interested as the rest of them."

"No," I countered. "You don't have his memories inside you. You just don't understand, Riku."

"Then tell me, what is it in Roxas' memories that makes you so inclined to put Axel before _me_?"

I shuddered at his words. What he said hurt not because of his tone, but because of the truth in it. I _had _been thinking of Axel before Riku these past days. The pain in Roxas' memories, the snippets of admission that Axel had entrusted me with, and the mystery that surrounded his appearance—at first I'd thought my preoccupation with Axel was based solely on a desire to figure him out, to understand his relationship with Roxas, to learn how he was alive and well, but I wasn't so sure anymore. Even just the memory of our kiss in the waterway sent butterflies fluttering in my abdomen. Why was I so fixated on him? Why, even now, did I want nothing more than to run from Riku's accusations and crawl into Axel's bed, seeking comfort?

"Nobodies... are just more complicated than you think," I managed to say.

"I'd rather not complicate it any more."

"Then you'll never get to the truth!"

Riku turned to me, shifted onto his knees. His gaze stared down on me, as breath-taking as it was intimidating. "The truth of the matter is—" He paused, averting his icy eyes. Suddenly, he enclosed my shoulders in his large hands, gripping me tightly, looking at me with heart-shattering intensity, as though I were a ghost that might slip through his fingers at any moment. "Sora, if Axel can come back, what if Roxas takes you, too? What if you disappeared? What if that's why Axel is here? I won't let him take you away from me."

"Riku..." As he held me tighter, something between fear and sorrow crushed my heart.

"You're the one who doesn't get it, Sora. I'm trying to protect you."

"I just... I don't think that Axel would do that. I don't think he's planning anything sinister."

"You don't know that."

I sighed. "You're right. I don't know for sure. But I trust him. I trust Axel."

"No."

Before I knew what he was doing, Riku pulled me toward him, just as he leaned toward me. His fingers still bracing my shoulders, he pressed his lips onto mine. Unsure of how to react, I returned his kiss, but my eyes remained open, in shock. His silver bangs brushed against my eyelids. I'd never seen Riku so close before, had never seen the mild peach tone in his alabaster skin or the dark lace of his eyelashes. When finally he released me, he stared only at his hands, which he now kept on the ground. Confusion twisted in my stomach, like snarled knots of hair.

"I'm sorry..." he said quietly. Then, just as suddenly as his kiss had come, his words began to flow: "I'm not like you—I don't feel that way. It's just, I remember what you said, about you not liking Kairi anymore, and I was _happy _when you told me. Then, you said you thought you were gay, that you liked men instead, and I didn't know how to feel. Sora, I'm not gay. I'm not anything. I'm not romantic, I'm not sexual. I don't want anyone, except you. I'm not sure how I feel or what love is, but I think that's how I feel for you, and I do know that I don't want anything to change between us. I can't be anything more than a friend, but I... I can't stand the thought of you with someone else. So, if this—" he looked to my lips, indicating the kiss, "—is what you need, then I can do that. I'll do the small things that you want just to keep you."

While his explanation was meant to clarify his actions, it didn't really help. A heavy pressure choked my mind, not unlike a headache, and made me knit my brows together. But even though I couldn't quite grasp Riku's confession, I had never wanted to hold him more than now—not even when I found him again in The Castle That Never Was. Sliding my arms past his elbows and around his waist, I rested my head against his shoulder. Slowly, tentatively, he lifted his hands to grace my shoulder blades.

"Please," he murmured into my ear. "You don't have to be with me. Just don't be with anyone else. Just don't be with _him_. I saw what he did to you that day in The World That Never Was. He was going to kiss you, and I don't know what he's done to you since. It's making me..." He paused, as though collecting his thoughts. "Sora, it's just us two. Only we know what it's like to be cast into darkness and not let go."

And suddenly I understood. In Riku's world, he neither had nor desired many friends. Since his time spent traveling the worlds, he'd become even more introverted than ever before. On the islands, he spent his days swimming alone or reading at the height of a palm tree. Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, and even Kairi had all given up on maintaining any form of relationship with him outside of casual acquaintance. Yet, Riku had always let me come near. We would sit together on the crooked paopu tree on the small island, watching the sunset in silence. It wasn't that Riku despised people; it was that he could no longer relate to them easily. He lived on his own island, marooned by choice, but he would invite me there whenever I asked, and sometimes he would even offer. Now, he feared that he might lose me—the one person he could relate to and rely on—to Axel.

"I'll never leave you," I said, stroking his back. "I can't make any promises about who else I'll love, but, Riku, I promise to never leave you." He nodded against my hair, and we let each other go.

"You should get some sleep," he said. All the emotion on his face had been wiped clean, leaving behind the usual blank slate. Even the brightness of his eyes seemed to have a dulled a bit. Whether or not this meant he felt better, or if he was merely bottling up his true feelings, I couldn't say, but either way, sleepiness weighed on me. Between Axel and Riku, I had enough to keep me awake for months, but my body disagreed with my tendency to resist rest. Standing up, I conceded to Riku's suggestion.

"Yeah, especially if we're heading to Traverse Town."

Just before my hand touched the doorknob, Riku spoke: "I still don't like him." He didn't need to say a name for me to know he meant Axel.

"I know..." We stared at each other for a moment, before he turned his gaze to some shadow far off in the distance. "Are you coming inside?"

He shook his head. "No, I want to think about some things. I'll see you in the morning."

Shutting the door softly behind me, I once again found myself in the unlit house. As though no time had passed, Cid was still dozing on his computer's keyboard, and Merlin snored away in his bed. Groping in the dark, I tried to find my way to the back room and ended up almost smashing headfirst into a someone's chest. My face at his collarbones, I found a black cloak, pale skin, milky green eyes, and fiery hair. "Axel?" I whispered, not wanting to wake up those who were asleep.

"Have a nice chat?" he replied, his own voice low.

"Did you hear all that?"

He nodded. "Not seeing sure can help when it comes to hearing."

"You shouldn't have eavesdropped." I tried to push past him but he caught my shoulders in one arm.

"So, he thinks I'm trying to pull Roxas out of you, huh? What do you think?"

"If you were listening, then you heard my reply."

"You trust me." I didn't respond, not out of anger but embarrassment. My conversation with Riku had been private. I couldn't believe Axel had heard me declaring all my trust in him, as well as listened in on Riku's jealous outburst. The Nobody ran his fingers along my arm. "Well then," he added, "if that's the case, then I guess I have nothing to worry about, but then again, he _did_ kiss you."

"How do you know that? You didn't see anything."

He shrugged. "It was a hunch, and you just gave it away."

This time, his trickery ignited my anger. I tried to escape again, but his arm was strong. "Let me go."

In complete defiance, he shoved me against the wall, holding me by the wrists. As he pushed his body up against mine, my mind shuffled between being furious with Axel and noticing how he felt against me. "Why are you so upset?" he asked smugly. "Now you have two suitors. You must be pleased."

"You sound jealous," I spat back, but the moment the response left my lips, I wondered. Could a Nobody feel jealousy? Was possessiveness an emotion or a sense of entitlement, or both?

Axel gripped my wrists tighter. "Maybe there is a bit of Roxas in you."

"I'm not Roxas."

"I'm well aware."

We fell into a tense silence. Our hot breaths mingled in the air, like static electricity, and Axel refused to release me. All I could think about was what would happened if Riku were to come inside and discover us in this comprising position. _Probably take it as an opportunity to slice Axel in two_, I thought.

"Sleep with me," Axel said suddenly.

"We already talked about this. Everyone would see us in the morning."

He shook his head. "No, not tonight, and I don't mean the fall asleep kind of sleeping."

A blush seared my skin from my ears to my chest. "You... You're just going to ask me like that?"

"You don't want to?"

"What are you talking about, Axel? Why are you doing this?"

"What? You'd rather be with Riku?" With all my strength, I pulled against his grip but to no avail. Axel brought his lips to just above mine. "Or will you kiss anyone who goes for it?"

"Stop it." Unshed tears stung at my eyes. I did my best to blink them back, not wanting Axel to know how much he was affecting me. How had we gone from a sweet goodnight kiss to this? "Riku is my best friend."

"And what am I?"

"You're..." I hesitated, not sure what to say. What was he to me? Even more importantly, what was I to him?

But then, Axel yielded his hold. Taking a step or two back, his eyes measured me up as though he could see, as though he didn't like what he saw. "Forget it. I'm surprised Riku even believes your promise. You'll take off just as soon as something better catches your eye. You're just like _him_."

"Just like who?" When he didn't respond, I raised my voice, no longer caring if I woke Cid or Merlin. "Just like _who_, Axel?"

"Forget it." With that, he stalked away, straight to the back room door, so much faster than I would expect from a blind man. But Axel always behaved differently from my expectations. The door clicked shut, leaving me in a quiet room full of nothing but the sounds of two others sleeping. I crumpled to the floor. Tears fell, hot and infinite, on my cheeks, trailing down the sides of my mouth, leaving a salty taste on my tongue. The feverish haze from before descended upon me. Curling my arms around my knees, I cried without end. Either Axel couldn't hear me or he didn't care.

* * *

"The shortest route to Traverse Town from here is a path past Never Land, across the Olympus Colosseum, then right over the recent meteor shower wreck site."

Cid's gruff voice knocked me to my senses. I found myself wrapped in a blanket on the floor of the computer room. After Axel left me the previous night, I must have cried myself to sleep. A quick survey of my surroundings confirmed the presence of Cid, sitting in front of the computer with a rough map of the most up-to-date pathways between worlds. Beside him stood Riku, studying the map intently. Aerith, Yuffie, Leon, and Merlin breakfasted at the table in the center of the room, while Cloud adjusted his gloves and boots on the bed. Axel stood off from them all, leaning against the front door, as though ready to make an escape. His eyes were shut, his face downturned. He hadn't seemed to notice I'd woken, nor anybody else for that matter.

"The trip shouldn't take more than two days," Cid continued. "If you're lucky, and you push that baby as fast as it will go, then you'll get there before sunset tomorrow."

Riku crossed his arms. "Sounds good. Can I get a print up of this map?"

"Good morning, Sora," greeted Aerith. Her announcement drew the attention of all in the room, including Axel. I felt a bit like a kid who had just been caught sleeping in class. "Do you want something to eat? We've got toast and jelly over here."

My stomach hadn't seen food in too long. The moment I seated myself at the table, Yuffie handed me a good five pieces of toast. To my surprise, no one asked why I'd fallen asleep on the floor instead of the bed I'd chosen last night. A glance in Riku's direction earned me an understanding nod; he'd probably left me the blanket. I supposed that my friends were used to random happenings in the night—what with Cloud and Leon being particularly brooding types, Merlin's late hours at the hospital, and Cid's never-ending computer searches. Live and let live seemed to have become the motto of Radiant Garden's survivors. Some things weren't worth asking questions about.

"Are you feeling better, Sora?" Yuffie asked.

"Good as new."

"Great!"

"I guess this means we can head out in an hour or so, then?" Riku said, heading over to the table. "I want to get a head-start on all that traveling, since it would be best to make it to Traverse Town before nightfall tomorrow. We can try to check into the Hotel right away and see if we can find a lead on Nooj."

"Are you guys coming with us?" I asked Aerith, who looked to Leon imploringly.

Leon returned Aerith's gaze guiltily. "As much as I would like to go roaming the worlds with you two, this is my home. After that last Heartless attack, I don't think it would be wise for us to leave anytime soon. Also, we need to continue restoring the city. Radiant Garden isn't even half of what it should be yet."

I nodded, understanding. "Well, we'll keep you updated then."

"Thanks, Sora."

Yuffie jumped up with a frustrated groan. "You had better come visit us again soon!"

"We will," said Riku. "Our vacation hasn't turned out to be as relaxing as we'd hoped. That means another one is in order."

Aerith smiled softly, her motherly eyes sweeping back and forth between Riku and me. "We look forward to it then. In the meantime, take care of yourselves. I don't know what awaits you in Traverse Town, but please be cautious."

"If Sora has me around," Riku replied, "then he can't get himself into too much trouble."

To this everyone laughed, except Cloud and Axel. Even Leon gave a small chuckle, but when I saw the downcast expression on Axel's face, the grin on my face died. Once everyone quieted down, and Riku went to grab the map printout from Cid, I made my way over to the Nobody. Each step brought new anxiety. Was Axel still upset with me? What had last night been about in the first place? He had said, "You're just like _him._" The only person I could think of was Roxas, but what could that mean? What did Riku and myself have to do with Roxas? Fishing through my memories, I recalled their first kiss in the bedroom. "We shouldn't stop," Roxas had said, but that still didn't match up with last night. Finally, as I zoomed through everything I could remember, I suddenly thought of the first moment I met Axel again, in the rain, in The World That Never Was. At the time, a delirious Axel had thought I was Roxas, but he'd said a great many things to me then—something about a promise: "You promised me, Roxas... How could you forget when it meant everything to me?" So then, Roxas had broken some sort of promise with Axel, and in the same way, Axel felt that I would betray him?

Shocked by this revelation, I found myself in front of Axel with nothing to say. "Are you ready for the trip?" I managed, my question an offering at his feet. Would we still be angry with one another? Or could we start over?

The Nobody opened his eyes, which rested on the nape of my neck. "Not like I have anywhere else to go," he said, but in that moment it was enough.

"Sora!" Merlin called out from the breakfast table. "Come over here, m'boy! I want to teach you a thing or two about magic conservation."

"Coming!" To Axel, I said, "Gotta go." He nodded once, and I worried that maybe things weren't any better between us, but then, as I turned to leave, he gently grasped my wrist. As he trailed his fingertips down the length of my hand, he smiled a small, closed smile. So then, perhaps everything was going to be all right.

* * *

While traversing the galaxies, daytime always seemed to fly by so fast. Perhaps because the pathways between worlds were always dark as night, but for whatever reason, the atmosphere never failed to make me sleepy. Unexpectedly, Riku had requested I take the wheel for the first half of our trip. The shadows around his eyes were darker than usual, and I realized that while I'd slept on the floor of Leon's house, he had probably stayed awake throughout the night. Sure enough, as soon as I began navigating right from left, Riku slipped out the bridge and into his bedroom. The moment we'd come aboard, he had locked Axel away in our extra guest bedroom; so manning the helm was rather boring, especially once active steering became unnecessary and auto-pilot took control.

It must have been hours before Riku finally arrived to relieve me. "You look about ready to collapse," he said upon entering.

I shrugged. "Maybe I'm not back to one hundred percent yet from Hollow Bastion. Besides, this isn't the most exhilarating activity."

"So you'd rather I do it?" Riku gave a small chuckle. Then, shoving me out of the steering chair, he took a seat. "Go get some sleep then. All you do is sleep these days. What good are you to me now?"

It was my turn to laugh. "Oh, whatever. I'll do all the Heartless slaying. You do all the technical stuff that requires patience and clear-headedness."

"Are you trying to placate me with compliments?"

"Maybe."

Switching off auto-pilot, Riku took a sudden turn toward a group of levitating comets. "You were about to auto-pilot us in the wrong direction, you know? What would you do without me?"

"I'd be sleeping in a Memory Pod for the rest of my life."

Riku's severe eyes caught mine. He, more than me, was aware of the sacrifice it took to revive me from my coma in Castle Oblivion. After my memory was fully restored, he wouldn't even show me his face for fear that I would be ashamed of the darkness in him. Once Kairi finally brought us back together, I'd suffered a near breakdown. "_I looked everywhere for you!_" Now, as I peered into Riku's irises, the color as bright as the Destiny Islands' ocean on a clear day, I knew I would search all over again if I lost him.

"Good night, Sora," he said, turning all his attention back to the comet-infested path he was driving us into.

"Good night."

Right as I pressed the release button for the bridge exit, he asked, "Are you going to see him?" I glanced over my shoulder, surprised. "He's asleep, you know," he added. "He's just as burned out as you from the other day. Maybe you should let him rest."

I understood Riku too well to think that his sudden interest in Axel's well-being was true beneficence. Instead of blatantly banning me from seeing Axel, he was trying to convince me as to why it might be a bad idea. After my fight with Axel last night, I was still a little scared to see him. I was too tired; I might say something wrong out of sheer exhaustion. So, I headed to my room, deciding it was best to check in on Axel once I woke.

In my bedroom, I practically jumped onto the bed. My pillow met me with delicious comfort. The distant roar of comets passing lulled me to sleep, but before long the click of a door woke me. Startled by the sound, I sat upright in bed. The darkness made it so I couldn't see who approached, but my lamp was only an arm's reach away. After switching on the light, I found Axel, tall and smirking, leaning against my door, like a red-haired cat waiting to strike.

"What are you doing in here? How'd you get out of your room?"

He made no reply. Instead, he stepped closer, never losing the smirk on his face. Before long, he reached the foot of my bed, where he leaned over until the palms of his hands touched the coverlet. Without thinking, I drew back my legs, bending them at the knees to my chin. This made Axel's smirk grow. The Nobody arched his back in a stretch but never took his mesmerizing eyes off me. The perfect curve of his spine captured my interest. I wanted to run my hands along that curve, to pull him closer. Even thinking about it made me flush.

"Don't be shy, Sora," he said, but in a voice so low and soothing that I once again thought of a cat, purring for attention. On all fours, he crawled up the length of my bed. With no room left to withdraw, I only watched as he approached me. In no time, our bodies were only inches apart. Reaching a hand out to my knee, he pushed down my left leg. Like a marionette, my leg moved of its own accord. The right leg followed. Axel positioned himself between my thighs. His hands rested beside my hips. There was nowhere to go, nothing I could do but whatever he wanted.

Bringing his lips to the side of my face, his breath tickled my ear. "Sleep with me." He trailed hot kisses down my earlobe to my cheekbone. My eyes fluttered shut, and although I was unable to voice a response, my body relaxed against his. He ghosted his lips over my eyelashes, then settled them on the tip of my nose. "You don't want to?" he asked. Before I could open my mouth, he sealed it with his own. Tipping his head to the side, he licked the corner of my lips. As soon as I parted my mouth, his tongue began dancing with mine. I tried to wind my fingers through his, but he resisted, pulling away from my grasp. Gripping my hips with his hands, he pushed me down beneath him, my head now cradled by the pillow. As his wild kisses pressed into my neck, I could feel myself harden against him. Once he met my collarbone, he bit hard, but when I cried out, he only bit again.

"No," I panted, overwhelmed.

"Oh? You don't want this?" His fingers inched up my abdomen, like a spider's many legs, unzipped my pants, then slipped beneath the waistline.

"S-stop." I was tripping over my words, unsure of whether or not I even meant them. Axel seemed to know better and wrapped his hand around my length. I clutched the bedsheets to try and keep from moaning too loudly, afraid that Riku would hear me. Right now, the last thing I wanted was an interruption.

Gliding his hand up and down slowly, Axel continued to grace my neck with short bites. "You want me to stop?" he teased. Instead of waiting for my reply, he began stroking at a faster rhythm. Lifting his lips from my throat, he began to kiss down my chest. Pulling up my shirt, he ran his tongue down my abdomen.

"N-no, stop." The words fell from my mouth, but I knew he wouldn't, and I knew I didn't want him to.

"Hmmm?" he mused. Shutting my eyes tightly, I gripped his shoulders in my hands, which he took as a gesture for more. As he pumped harder, I could feel the pressure building in my length. "What? You don't want to come?"

"I..."

I opened my eyes and found myself in a dark room. My breaths were ragged, my body damp with sweat, and I was alone. My length throbbed, still fully aroused, but there was no Axel to coax me towards finishing. I sighed, disappointed and a little shocked. The dream had been so vivid. I'd thought for sure it was real.

Stroking myself, I pretended that my hands were Axel's, and as I recalled his lips on my neck, I came quickly. But I couldn't help feeling empty. In my dream, Axel and I had been so close. I hadn't realized how thick my desire for him was. And now that I knew, I wasn't sure what to do, or how I could face him in the morning.

* * *

A/N: Sora is awfully new to all this, and then there's Axel who has just slept through this whole night! Well, I hope this chapter was an interesting one. Please **review**! I want to know that I still have old readers left after my hiatus, or new readers for that matter.


	9. En Route

___Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes_

by je suis l.m.

Rated: M, for language and love scenes.

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

I was Roxas, watching a dim heart-shaped moon from my window. My legs, strewn over the white bedspread, were tense. With my back propped-up against a pillow, I stared as though seeing nothing at all—thoughtless, yet my body aching with stress. This memory was new to me; I didn't understand Roxas' unease. I had no choice but to ride out the scene to reach any conclusions.

The door to the room clicked open without warning. Alarmed, I bent my knees and pressed my palms into the mattress, as if braced for an assault. My unexpected visitor poked his head out from behind the door. Axel, coy with innocence, raised his eyebrows inquisitively in my direction. My limbs relaxed. Who else could Roxas have been expecting? What had him so riled up?

"You aren't busy, are you?" Axel asked, but he strolled in without waiting for a response. Axel's unruly hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. The jagged ends stuck out of the black rubber band like scarlet lightening from a dark cloud. Without the usual contrast of red, his bright green irises had faded to a cool pastel. A simple black tank covered his thin chest, revealing the lean muscle of his arms.

"Not really," I said, leaning back into my pillow. "Just thinking."

"If you do too much of that, " he replied, casually seating himself on the foot of the bed, "then you won't have much time left for me." A smirk creased his right cheek. I noticed a slender cut along his jawline, but either Roxas already knew how it had come about or he wasn't worried enough to inquire.

"I'll try to fit you in."

"Charming." With surprising familiarity, Axel began massaging his fingers into my pant leg. Almost immediately, a slow sigh escaped my lungs. All the anxiety from before seemed to drain from my body, coaxed away by Axel's warm hand.

There was a strange expression in Axel's eyes. Where cockiness—whether false or facade—usually played in the creases of his brows, a new vulnerability sat on display. His hand had stopped its journey at my knee, each long finger splayed out to its full width. But neither my leg nor his hand captured his attention. With his gaze fully directed on the space in my chest where a heart should lie, he murmured, "Roxas, are you all right?"

"Do I seem not all right?"

He shrugged and withdrew his hand. "You seem distant."

"Didn't you used to compare me to a zombie?" Even I could tell Roxas was deflecting.

"Yeah, but that was before..."

"Before what?" This time, the defensiveness in my tone was extraordinarily apparent.

Frustrated, Axel stood and shoved fists into the pockets of his leather pants. "You know what I mean, and this is exactly what I'm talking about. You go through these moods where it's like you aren't even here, or you do your best to avoid me."

"Avoid _you_?"

"Goddammit! If you ask me another question, I'm setting this room on fire!" Whipping his head my way, I met the full brunt of Axel's fiery anger. Even the whites of his eyes were laced with red, but then his lashes glinted, and I realized that his eyes were red from repressed tears. My heart twisted, and I wondered if that feeling was my own, or if Roxas' heartless chest could tighten with empathy.

"I only meant that I wouldn't want to avoid you," I said, "of all people."

"Then what are you avoiding exactly?"

I hesitated. "Why did the Keyblade choose me, Axel? What am I exactly?"

"What does that matter?" he shouted. While Axel's temper flared up easily, it was difficult to reign back in. "Our existence is full of uncertainties, Roxas. If you let that get to you, then you'll have nothing but empty air to answer those questions."

"You mean you don't want any answers?"

"I don't _need _them. I don't need something else to tell me who I am."

"It's different for you. You weren't chosen by the Key—"

"You think you're so fucking special all of a sudden?" he yelled, thrusting his arms out perpendicular to his sides, as though ready to summon his chakrams. "You think you're more important than the other Organization members? More important than me?"

"No!" As my throat tightened, I suddenly wondered if Nobodies could cry.

"So that's it, huh?"

"_No_, Axel."

"Then what, Roxas? Why is that Keyblade such a big deal to you?"

"Please just stop."

"Stop wha—?"

"Just _stop_." I reached forward and grasped his elbow. With a surprising lack of resistance, he crumpled to the bed. Our speech faltered; our anger sputtered, like the flame on a fumbled candle. Inches apart, we searched fervently for some sort of sign in each other's faces, but I dug up nothing but confusion. And a wild desperation.

"You don't get it," he said, voice weakened.

"What don't I get?"

He bit his lip, as if considering the question. But after only a moment's pause, he spoke:

"I love you."

The blood slowed in my veins. The angles of Axel's face seemed to soften, or blur, or maybe I couldn't see straight anymore. "How do you know?" I mumbled, as though even words were difficult. "That's not even possible."

"How do you feel for me?" he responded. "Describe the feeling."

"Feeling?" I fell completely silent. In the quiet room, my own breath filled my ears. I had no idea what Roxas was thinking in this moment. Axel's face still peered into mine. I wondered if he were afraid. Afraid that my answer would hurt him. Afraid that I might reject him

My pulse sped as Roxas wet his lips—my lips—to speak. "I'm in love with you," I breathed.

A beat of silence passed, and then: "Really?" A boyish smile spread across Axel's face, and his statement was more exhalation than exclamation. With another quick gasp, he lifted his hand to grace my cheek.

"Yeah. I don't know how else to say it."

"Same here." He chuckled quietly. "It's the same for me." He leaned in and kissed me lightly. My stomach flipped with butterflies. I'd shared this sort of kiss with him before—several as soft as a caress. As Roxas, I slipped my fingers beneath Axel's tank. His abdomen shuddered pleasantly at my touch, but he didn't deepen the kiss, pulling away instead.

"You know what this means?" he asked.

"What?"

"Maybe we don't know what true love feels like, but this is some kind of feeling. This is real."

"Maybe."

He laughed once more, then pressed his nose into my hair, trailing his lips across my temple. "We can't let this go, Roxas," he whispered. "We can't separate. No matter what happens with the Organization, or Kingdom Hearts, we can't separate."

"How can we stop that from happening?"

"We just promise. Give it your word."

I nodded, winding my fingers in his. "Okay. I promise."

"We'll never separate."

"Never."

More nervous laughter spilled from his mouth. As he smoothed back his hair with both hands, he shook his head a few times as though in disbelief. "I sound crazy. We sound crazy, Roxas!"

"Maybe feelings do that to people."

"Maybe."Axel leaned in again, planting another swift kiss on my lips. "Maybe, maybe, maybe. We aren't sure about anything these days." Pushing me back into my pillow, he kissed me again. "I can't lose you." Our lips kept touching between each sentence. "Forget the Organization, it's just us. Just us. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"This is crazy."

"You already said that."

I'd never seen Axel so giddy before. His smile was never-ending, his face flushed. Even his hands shook slightly with whatever emotion had consumed him. Could Nobodies fall in love? As Axel pressed his lips into mine, I couldn't help but feel pleasantly overwhelmed by his passion. Still, jealousy also floundered inside me. Axel had felt this strongly for Roxas—might still feel this way—and where did that leave me?

As Roxas, I panted slightly, my Nobody clearly worked up by Axel's affection. Our mouths parted, inviting each other's torrid tongues. Within seconds, I'd peeled off Axel's tank. Axel ran his lips down the side of my neck. As I traced my fingers along his spine, he moaned and fumbled with the zipper of my cloak.

My fingers hooked themselves in his belt loops, tugging his hips closer. I could feel his arousal against mine. Axel gasped hotly as we ground into each other. His breath flushed my throat, where his lips trembled slightly.

"I'll make it so you don't have to think anymore," he said. "I'll make you forget."

"Don't... Don't stop."

* * *

I woke in another sweat. To my surprise, there were tears in my eyes, and I didn't know if they were remnants of Roxas' roller-coaster emotions, or my own reaction to the memory. One thing was for sure: the dream had ended at a convenient time. While I lived through Roxas' experiences in the first-person, I could hardly stand knowing that the Axel who lived in those memories was touching Roxas, and not me.

Still, I'd once again learned a great deal from Roxas' lingering recollections. "We'll never separate." So that was the promise Axel had mentioned Roxas' breaking on that rainy night in the World That Never Was. Somehow, someway, Roxas and Axel had been separated, but on the night I found him, Axel had insisted that my Nobody had left him on purpose. I understood very little of Roxas' past. How he'd ended up living in Ansem's Twilight Town had never been fully revealed to me. Of course, Riku was privy to such information, since he'd worked side-by-side with Ansem to revive me, but my friend had never explained the particulars, and I'd never asked. Those days had been dark for him, to say the least, and I wasn't about to pry more than necessary.

But, given the onslaught of new memories that Axel's appearance seemed to have brought on, added to what Axel had told me about himself, I'd gained a shaky perspective. Roxas and Axel had been involved romantically. Frustrated by his ability to wield the Keyblade, Roxas started to obsess over his existence. Even so, the two claimed to be in love with each other and promised to never part. Somewhere along the way, Roxas abandoned this pact and began a half-life in a cybernetic Twilight Town. The rest was history.

I managed to sit up in bed but couldn't convince myself to walk out of the room. Two very different dreams in one night. The first had been a shock, but a pleasant one at that. The second—I wasn't sure if I was better off knowing just how close Roxas and Axel had been. My insides felt torn. I wanted to understand Axel, but I wanted Axel for myself. It seemed as if I couldn't have both.

Suddenly, the click of the door announced someone's arrival. My head swam with deja vu, but instead of Axel, it was Riku who peeked in. "Breakfast?" he said.

"Who's steering?"

"It's on auto. You slept pretty late. I checked in on you a a few hours ago, but you were still fast asleep. We'll be in Traverse Town in about five hours. In the meantime, join me for some dehydrated fruit and almonds."

"Oh, my favorite," I replied with sarcasm.

Riku chuckled, and I followed him to the bridge. Axel was still nowhere to be seen. After all, he was locked in a room. What if he'd been expecting me last night? He might be disappointed I hadn't shown up. I shook my head, thinking myself a little narcissistic. Waiting for me or not, he was probably hungry. As soon as Riku and I had our fill, I gathered some breakfast in one of the paper bowls we used when traveling.

"I'm gonna take this to Axel," I said. Riku grimaced slightly but made no other move to stop me. Even so, I departed as quickly as possible. No reason to give Riku enough time to change his mind and intercede.

The corridor to Axel's room was paneled with glass windows. The view held nothing but stars. Strange to think it was breakfast time as we floated in infinite darkness. I paused, gazing into the galaxy. Which of those stars was Destiny Islands? Radiant Garden? There were so many worlds I'd yet to see, many I would never see. On which of those worlds would I finally feel at home?

I sighed. Before leaving Destiny Islands at age fourteen, I'd never felt rootless. Now, a gummi ship seemed like home as much as anywhere else. Comfort lay with friends, not landscapes. Riku, Leon and the gang, and even Kairi—so long as they were nearby, I would be all right.

As I approached Axel's room, I wondered where he stood among my friends. The other night, he'd wanted to know what he meant to me. So far he'd managed to worm his way into my trust and dreams; yet he never felt safe. Was that because he wouldn't share his past with me? Or because I was jealous of Roxas?

I shook my head and took out my keys. No reason to overwhelm myself with thoughts today. For now, I just needed to keep moving forward. We still had to find Nooj in Traverse Town; we still had to find answers to questions about the afterlife that even Axel couldn't answer. After unlocking the door, I knocked softly.

"What?" came the familiar aggressive voice.

"It's Sora. I brought some food."

When he didn't object, I let myself in. The light from the hall spilled into the dark room. He sat on the bed, back against the headboard, feet crossed at the ankles. His hands were lazily crossed over his stomach. In all, he seemed casual and apathetic—all of his usual projections. Just like the other night on the ship, he'd discarded his cloak.

"Mind if I turn on a light in here?" I asked.

"Doesn't make a difference to me."

After switching on a few lamps, I closed the door. At the sound of the hinges creaking shut, Axel smirked. Apparently, being alone with me pleased him.

"I didn't bring anything special," I said, trying for conversation. "Just dry fruit and nuts. We don't usually have big meals on the gummi ship. Riku and I can't cook, anyway."

I placed the bowl on the nightstand, but Axel made no move to eat, and I realized he hadn't seen me put the food down. After tugging on his elbow until he uncrossed his arms, I guided his hand to the bowl. "There," I said a bit too cheerily. "Eat as much as you want."

Instead of taking my advice, he kept his fingers on mine. His cloudy gaze fell on our hands, but I couldn't read his expression.

"You didn't have to bring me food," he said. "I hardly eat anyway."

"It's nothing."

"Unless... you just wanted to see me?"

I blushed, feeling busted. "It's not like that."

"But your hand is shaking."

Was it? I'd hardly noticed, but it was true. My nerves were always jangled in Axel's presence. At any moment, I expected him to yell at me, or make some sort of snide remark, or kiss me. Any of those outcomes sent waves of nervousness throughout my body.

"Don't be so shy, Sora."

I froze. Those were the same words he'd said to me in my dream, just before he crawled onto my bed and touched me. Of course, I doubted that Axel would suddenly push himself onto me. Still, I couldn't help but remember his hot skin pressed against mine, or the dominating position he'd taken.

"Maybe I should go," I admitted aloud.

His grip on my hand tightened, but his face remained composed. "Did you have a good night's sleep?" he asked, as though reading my mind.

"Why wouldn't I have?"

"I didn't say you hadn't. It's just common courtesy to ask, isn't it?" His grin told me he had something else up his sleeve. Before I could guess, he gave the game away: "See anything new about my grand old life with Roxas?"

That certainly hadn't been the dream I'd been thinking of, but it got me out of accidentally confessing my sexual fantasies. Then again, I wasn't really willing to talk about Axel and Roxas' declarations of love either.

"What does it matter?" I replied, not wanting to lie.

"Oh?" Releasing my hand, Axel swung his feet over the side of the bed, entrapping me between his legs. "I'll take that as yes. I'm all ears."

"I don't want to talk about Roxas."

He chuckled, then slipped his hands beneath my shirt, resting his palms against my hipbones. With wide, milky eyes, he looked up at me imploringly, his bottom lip puckered like a whining child's. "I can't see your face, but I imagine you look something like this. I can hear you pouting."

"Leave me alone." Before I could take a step back, he tightened his hold on my hips.

"You know, you always say that, but I'm pretty sure you never mean it."

Remembering my first dream, I knew he was right. With Axel, I always said the opposite of how felt. Stop, go away, leave me alone, let me go—it was a ruse, but I couldn't fool him.

"What should I do then?" I asked, trying to sound defensive but failing. My voice had wavered, and I could already feel myself giving into his hands.

"Do you ever stop over-thinking and just act?"

"I... I don't know."

"Sora," he said in a scolding, yet playful tone, "just kiss me."

It took only that one statement to push me over. Leaning in, I caught his lips in mine. Axel didn't hesitate, responding to the embrace immediately. Everything sped up quickly. We impatiently opened our mouths and deepened the kiss. My fingertips tasted his bare arms, savoring each crook and flex of his muscles.

My knees knocked against the mattress. Instead of steadying me, Axel took advantage and pulled me into his lap. I immediately noticed how aroused he was. Knowing how much I could turn Axel on made me just as excited. Last night's memory tried to invade my mind, but I forced it away. All I wanted to think about was Axel. His tongue exploring my mouth, his arousal against mine. A moan sounded deep in my throat. In response, Axel broke the kiss and began lifting my shirt. I raised my arms so he could take it off completely. Pausing for a moment, he passed a hand over my naked chest, feeling what he couldn't see.

Without a word, he started kissing my chest, softly at first. His mouth made its way to one of my nipples, which he slowly ran his tongue around. I grew harder in more places than one. Short pants escaped me, as I wound my fingers in his hair. A well-timed bite from Axel brought on another moan from me, and I tugged on his hair roughly before I could stop myself. He seemed to like it, groaning himself and gripping me closer.

Axel reclined backward, trying to pull me on top of him on the bed. While part of me wanted nothing more than to straddle him and ride this out to wherever he took me, the other part remembered just where I was: on the gummi ship, steps away from Riku, behind thin walls, and a short distance from Traverse Town.

"Riku could find us," I said shakily.

"Forget Riku." With surprising force, he yanked me down. His hands were already to the button on my pants.

I managed to resist. "We can't do this. Not here."

Axel stopped, his cloudy eyes narrowed. "You're serious?"

"Yeah."

Releasing my jeans, he collapsed onto the bed, his arms spread like wings. "Ah, you're killing me."

Carefully, I climbed off his lap. "Not like this is easy for me either," I said, while seeking out the location of my discarded shirt. I found it on the floor.

"Then stay."

As I slipped my shirt over my head, a smile lifted the corners of my mouth. "Patience is a virtue," I teased. "I'll see you later." Daring one more glance back at Axel, I found him running his fingers through his hair in harmless dissatisfaction. It was all I could do not to pat myself on the back. Looks like Roxas isn't the only one who can turn you on, I thought as I shut the door to his room behind me.

This time, as I passed through the corridor toward the bridge, I could make out the distant shape of Traverse Town—the yellow fluorescence of the oversized Jewelry Store sign, the gaudy fountain from the Third District. I hadn't seen the world since my first journeys, and while I was sure much had changed, I wasn't really in the mood for sightseeing. My heart was still pounding from my encounter with Axel, and a sudden realization dawned on me. This man we were searching for, Nooj at the Hotel, could unlock unwanted information about Axel's existence. Once some secrets were revealed, I might not be able to erase them. And Riku certainly wouldn't stay neutral if we learned that Axel's current existence was even mildly threatening to the harmony of the worlds.

I pressed the button for the automatic door to the bridge to open. Riku sized me up suspiciously. "You were gone awhile."

In Riku's eyes, I saw danger for the first time in awhile. Since finding him again during those final battles in the World That Never Was, I'd regained all my trust in him, but now, I wasn't sure who I'd put in better favor: my closest friend or an ex-Organization member. All I knew was that Riku wouldn't accept the Nobody, one way or another. I just hoped that the day wouldn't come when I would have to choose between remaining loyal to Riku and protecting Axel from him.

"What?" Riku said; I realized I'd been staring at him.

"Nothing. Just that... you're my best friend."

He cracked a smile. "No need to get all sentimental. Now, help me prepare to land this thing."

"Sure."

* * *

A/N: Another chapter finished! There are still a few more to come, which I've mapped out, before this story comes to an end. So please keep **reviewing** to keep me motivated! Some reviews/PMs seemed to show a bit of confusion about Riku's feelings for Sora. To be short, he's what you might call an aromantic asexual. Don't know what that means? Google it. Oh and just as a warning, or _teaser_, for the next chapter, this story is rated M for a reason.


End file.
